


You Don't Know the Half of the Abuse

by tyjojodyn



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Adoption, Bullying, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, Foster Care, Kidnapping, M/M, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-08-09 02:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7783267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyjojodyn/pseuds/tyjojodyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler is curious about the boy in his attic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Go Ahead And Show Me Your Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The earliest memory Tyler had of Josh was when he was five years old.

|-/

The earliest memory Tyler had of Josh was when he was five years old. He had been playing with his brother, Zack, in the hallways between their bedroom and their sister’s bedroom. They wrestled and rolled around on the floor, trying to take the ball from one another. Tyler, two years older and stronger, obviously took the ball from Zack after pushing his head into the hardwood floor. Zack burst into tears and quit playing. 

“Tyler! What did you do?” His mother yelled from downstairs. 

“Nothing, Mommy! Zacky hit his head!” 

The crying was now just a distant sound from downstairs and Tyler was completely alone. That was until he heard some bumping from above him. He peered up at the ceiling and saw the where the ladder leading to the attic folds up. He was just going to ignore it, but he heard it again, then again. Curious, he dragged a desk chair from out of his room and positioned it right under the string that hung down from the door. 

Tyler climbed on top and jumped, his fingers just barely coming short. The chair wobbled as he landed back down on the seat, but that didn’t stop him. He steadied himself and jumped again, this time grabbing on and pulling the ladder down with him. The ladder was heavier than the small boy was so it began to pull Tyler back up with it. But Tyler held onto it and pulled down with all his might, kicking the chair out of the way and setting the ladder quietly on the ground. 

He climbed the ladder, his knees shaking and palms sweating from how high up he was. He poked his head up and saw nothing but dust and boxes. The anxiety bubbled in his stomach as he thought about all the ghost stories kids had told him at school. Tyler didn’t want to believe in those stories, but he had no choice right now. He heard another bump, then a light flicked on from the other side of the attic. 

Tyler climbed the rest of the way up, twisting his body until he saw a dim lamp lighting up a small corner. He pulled himself up the rest of the way and moved slowly towards the source of light. He could hear a high pitched sound every couple of steps he took, but he still didn’t see anybody. He heard another small thump and found a small body, curled into a ball in the corner of the room. The boy was rocking back and forth mumbling to himself. 

“Hey.” Tyler said stepping forward. “Hey.” Tyler said again louder, putting a hand on the boy’s back. The boy jumped and immediately stood up, stumbling over sounds he was trying to turn into words. Something like an apology. “What are you doing?” Tyler asked him. 

“N-N-Nothing. I-I…” 

“Who are you?” 

The boy’s face went from frightened to confused. “J-Josh.” He whispered. “You, you can’t be up h-here.” 

“It’s my house, I can do what I want.” Tyler snapped back. He examined Josh. He was about Tyler’s height, maybe a bit taller, but Tyler was kind of short for his age. His body looked like it was going to collapse at any second. His clothes were torn and dirty. His knuckles, face, knees, elbows, pretty much any skin that was showing had bruises or cuts. He had no socks on and his toes were nearly blue from being so cold. His whole body was covered in goosebumps, his knees shook and his teeth chattered. He looked so broken. 

“What happened to you?” 

Josh refused to lift his head and meet Tyler’s eyes, he could tell by the light outside that Tyler’s dad would be home soon. And if he found Josh talking to Tyler, he probably wouldn’t wake up the next day. 

“Hello? Can you hear me?” Tyler asked waving a hand in front of Josh’s face. Josh flinched. Tyler shrugged. “My name’s Tyler.” He said and stuck a hand out for Josh to shake, like his dad taught him to. It was polite. Josh flinched again. “Why do you do that?” 

Josh heard a car pull up outside and he knew what was soon to be. He practically pushed Tyler away from him. “You-you have to g-go.” Josh said, trying to be as nice as possible. 

“Why? I don’t want to. Don’t you want to play?” 

“Don’t tell your dad you came up here.” Josh said as Tyler reached the bottom of the ladder. He reached down and pulled the steps toward him, enclosing himself in the darkness again. 

“I’m home!” Tyler heard his dad yell from downstairs. 

“Daddy!” He heard Zack yell and Tyler rushed downstairs to hug his father. 

At dinner, Zack sat in a high chair and Tyler sat in a regular chair at the kitchen counter. Tyler’s mom slid him a plate of food as his dad sat down next to him and pulled off his shoes. 

“Dad?” Tyler said as he shoved a fork full of rice in his mouth. 

“Hm?” His dad asked. 

“Who’s Josh?” 

His mom dropped a plate in the sink and it broke, his father dropped his shoe, they both stared at him then at each other. “What did you say?” 

“Who’s Josh? The boy in the attic?” 

“Josh!” Zack yelled and flung his rice into the air. 

His dad stood up and smacked Tyler hard across the face, he held his hand to his now bright red cheek and broke down into sobs. “Don’t you ever say anything about the attic again. Do you understand me? Don’t go near the attic.” Tyler nodded and whimpered in pain. “Go upstairs, no dinner for you tonight.” His mother took his plate away and Tyler walked slowly up the stairs and continued crying. 

\----

Tyler was scared to go back to the attic, or to even think about it. But he swore he could hear screaming coming from above him that same night his dad hit him. And his dad doesn’t know, but he watched him climb down the ladder, sweating and panting. Tyler ran back to his room before he was caught. His face still burned and he didn’t want another. 

Tyler’s dad had never hit him before, and it wouldn’t be the last. But he wasn’t abusive. Tyler loved his dad, and he loved Tyler. Tyler never told on him, because nothing was ever wrong. Not in Tyler’s eyes at least. This was a normal family. Everyone has a little boy locked up in their house somewhere. 

It had been three days since he last heard any thumping or screaming. He was getting worried. His dad had taken Zack to the doctor, his mom was on the phone. He might as well just peek in. He can’t get in trouble for that, right? He climbed the ladder slowly, making sure his squeaky sneakers made no noise. It was dark like the last time. He heard no mumbling, no bumping, no soft humming, nothing. Just the voice of his mother from downstairs. 

Tyler climbed all the way up, scanning the dusty room to see if he could find Josh. But there was nobody. No trace of the boy ever being up there. Even the small lamp that lit the room ever so slightly was gone. Confused and worried, Tyler went to ask his mother, but thought better of it. But where was he?  _ Is he dead? Did Dad kill him? _

“Josh?” He whispered just to make sure he wasn’t in there. “Josh, it’s me, Tyler. Are you in here?” Disappointed, Tyler stuck out his bottom lip. Climbing back down he thought he’d just have to wait to see what his dad does next. See where he goes and comes back all sweaty. He’d find out eventually, he just had to be patient. And patience was one thing Tyler did not have. 

\----

“What did you tell him?” Josh’s bones were shaking in his skin like a seed in a dryer. His heart rattled in his chest so fast he thought he would keel over at any minute. Tyler’s dad, his captor (Josh called him Mister), had the front of Josh’s shirt in his fist while his other hand was balled up ready to strike. Josh couldn’t take another blow to the face, he’d had enough. One more and he might collapse, or break down into tears, and neither one of those things were good. 

“N-n-nothing.” Josh stuttered. “Please, Mister. I-I swear. I-I’ll be g-good.” 

That answer wasn’t good enough for Mister.  _ Thud! _ Josh’s cold, frail body hit the wood floor. The pain was unbearable, he could hardly see or hear what Mister was saying anymore. “No more. No more.” Josh tried pleading in a very quiet tone, but it mostly came out as soft squeaks. A kick to his head sent the blood spilling out of his nose. He couldn’t see anything now, whether it was because he was too weak to keep his eyes open or the kick made him go blind. Whichever one it was it terrified Josh. T-e-r-r-i-f-i-e-d. Josh tried to keep consciousness from slipping away from him by spelling it over and over in his head. As many times as it took for Mister to leave him alone. He was hoping to get food tonight, but the rage inside of Mister told him that he won’t be eating anything for a long time. 

“You are  _ weak _ !” The word “weak” echoed through Josh’s ears. “A waste of space! A waste of time!” 

_ Please go away.  _

“You stay away from my family! Especially Tyler! He’s a good boy and he doesn’t need someone like you in his life to fuck it all up for him!” 

One more kick to his ribcage and Josh was coughing up more blood.  _ How much more until I run out? _ Josh curled up into a ball, finding that it relieved some pressure on his chest somehow. He cried quietly until he heard the sound of the stairs safely secure in their regular position, then he let out a heart breaking sob. His shoulders shook and he held on tightly to his knees, afraid that if he let go his body would turn into dust and float away. The tears he held back ached in the back of his throat and he tried his hardest to hold them in.  _ Breathe. Don’t forget to breathe.  _ He took one final deep breath and fell asleep in his own blood and tears. 

At some point that night, he was awoken by Mister with a rough nudge to his back. “Get up.” Josh quickly sat up, forgetting about the pain he’d endured and cringed when the dull knifelike hurt shot through his chest and down to his left hip. “Did I fucking stutter? I said get up.” Josh stood as quick and cautious as possible, his knees shaking. Mister grabbed him by the arm and dragged him over to the ladder. “Go.” 

Josh looked down the hole in the floor, it seemed like a mile down. How? Mister shoved him almost causing him to fall through, but he steadied himself and lowered his small body down the stairs. 

“Make a noise and I’ll kill you.” 

Slowly, Josh made his way down. He found that if he always kept his left hand lower than his right, it didn’t hurt his chest as bad. The bottoms of his feet meeting the cold hardwood told him that he was safe and sound. He took a moment to look around before Mister made it to the floor too. He saw pictures hanging on the wall of Tyler and another little boy he’d never seen before. There were your typical family pictures of them on the stairs. Another with the parents standing behind the children, one hand on one of the boy’s shoulders. Baby photos, some crayon on the wall, and a door decorated with stickers and drawings. 

“Tyler and Zacky’s Room” One of the stickers read. 

“This way.” Mister said and grabbed Josh’s elbow, dragging him down the hallway toward another set of stairs that took Josh a while to climb. Through the living room and kitchen, through a door that led outside. The cold hit Josh like a ton of bricks and he hesitated to take another step. “Go!” Mister whispered as he shoved Josh forward. He fell to his knees, scraping them and drawing more blood. Mister yanked Josh back up and pulled him toward a shed. 

He entered and found nothing but a chair, a small army cot, a thin blanket (no pillow), a lamp, and a table. “You stay in here now.” Mister said slamming the door, and walking past Josh to turn the lamp on. Josh looked around, trying to find the one thing that kept him sane. 

“Books.” Josh quietly said. 

“Books? No. No books in here.” He led Josh over to the thin mattress. “You just sit here and wait for me to come. Understand?” Josh nodded. His eyes stung and turned veiny red. What would he do without his books? “Good. Now, you look tired. Are you tired?” Josh nodded again, keeping his eyes on Mister’s knees in front of him. “You can go to sleep, after this.” 

Josh’s eyes shifted up and he watched his dignity slip away just like Mister’s pants did. 

\----

Tyler yawned through his little sleepy eyes, he rubbed the stinging sensation away and watched from Maddy’s window in her soon to be room (whenever she is born). He rests his head on the window sill, his eyes slowly closing and he begins drifting off. He snaps his head back up when he hears the door open downstairs. His father strolled across the yard, fumbling at the door to the shed and disappeared into the darkness. 

He waited and waited for something to happen, to hear a scream, to see Josh come out, but nothing did. He heard nothing, he saw nothing. He seemed to be in there for hours. Tyler exited the bedroom and crept downstairs. He looked out the back door and saw his father coming. Quickly, he ducked into the dark laundry room and hid between the wall and the washing machine. 

The back door opened, his father tiptoed past Tyler and hung a pair of keys on a hook by the fridge. Once Tyler was sure he was upstairs and in his bedroom, he came out and reached for the keys. His little fingers could just grab them. He held them all in his palm, making sure they wouldn’t make a noise, and slipped out the back door. 

The wet grass made his feet cold and he wished he had grabbed some shoes and a jacket. He looked through the keys trying to find the right one. Honestly, Tyler didn’t even know how keys really worked. He just kept shoving random ones in and twisting them and flipping them when finally one worked.

He entered a dark room and shut the door behind him. “Josh?” He whispered and heard soft whimpers from where he couldn’t see. “Josh? It’s me, Tyler.” 

A lamp flipped on and blinded Tyler. Josh was laying in the corner of the room on a small mattress, curled up into a ball and shaking. “What’s wrong?” Josh shook his head from side to side frantically. He flinched when Tyler touched his shoulder. “You look cold. Why aren’t you under the blanket?” Josh didn’t answer. “Where’s your pillow?” 

Tyler pouted, “Why don’t you answer me?” 

“H-hurt.” Josh squeaked. 

“You’re hurt? I can go get my mom, she makes me feel better when I’m hurt.” 

“No!” Josh yelled. 

“Why? Let me go get her, she won’t be mad.” Tyler stood up. 

Josh sat up and grabbed Tyler’s arm, pulling him back down onto the mattress. “N-no. Don’t tell her.” 

Josh exposed his freshly bruised and bloody face. Tyler stared, unsure of what happened or what to do. “Well, I don’t know how to make you stop hurting.” He glanced down, “Why are your toes blue?” 

“C-cold. I’m cold.” 

“Here.” Tyler said and pulled the blanket out from under Josh, who cringed as his body was shifted unexpectedly. Tyler spread the small blanket over Josh’s small body. Josh curled up even tighter, welcoming the slight warmth. “Why does my dad come in here every night?” 

Josh slipped his hand out from the blanket and pointed at the array of bruises that scattered his face. 

“He put those there?” Josh nodded. “My dad hit me once. But only when I asked about you.” 

“D-don’t ask about m-me.” 

Tyler nodded, “I won’t.” He looked around at the bland room. “Where are all your toys?” Josh sat up, leaning on his forearm, he cocked his head to the side confused. “Like, what do you play with?” 

Josh shrugged, “Nothing.” 

Tyler’s eyes grew wide. “You don’t play with anything? What do you do all day?” 

Josh shrugged again, “Nothing. Wait. Count.” 

“Well… I can bring you toys to play with. Would my dad get mad?” 

“Only if, if you t-take them back when, when you l-leave.” 

Tyler smiled, already thinking of all the toys he can bring and all the games he can play with Josh. This was his first real friend, besides his brother. 

“And, and food?” 

Tyler’s smile disappeared. “You don’t have any food?” Josh shook his head. “Okay. I’ll bring food too.” 

Both the boys smiled. Josh couldn’t remember the last time he smiled. He began to trust Tyler. But it was like walking on eggshells. He felt he’d told him too much, he was careless and that scared him. But it also made him feel good on the inside. Like a normal boy. Not like he knew what that felt like. He was just glad to have someone like Tyler. 

It became a routine of Tyler’s to wake up every night at around 3, then go out and play with Josh. He’d begun stealing food from the pantry and saving it for Josh. 

Tyler would watch in amazement as Josh shoved the food in his mouth. He’d never seen anybody eat anything so fast. And his table manners were awful. His dad would smack his hand with the back of his spoon if he ever ate like that. 

He collected some small toys he could bring out to him without making noise. They would play for what seemed like forever to Tyler, but to Josh it was just a short amount of time and he cherished those moments. Tyler just loved watching Josh laugh. 

\----

“Tyler, sweetie. It’s time to wake up.” Tyler peeled his eyes open and squinted through the light that came bursting through his window. “Come on, it’s time for school.” He moaned. 

He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. He stayed up until 11, then woke up at 2, then waited for his dad to go out until 3, then waited for his dad to come back out until 4, then went outside in the shed until 6, then fell asleep at 7, then woke up at 8. His small body couldn’t run on only four hours of sleep. His whole body seemed to float as he climbed out of bed and got dressed. 

He sat down at the kitchen counter where his mom was cooking breakfast. He rested his head on his hand on closed his eyes, already falling back asleep. “What’s wrong, honey? Why are you so tired all the time?” 

“Couldn’t sleep.” Tyler mumbled and his head rolled forward off his hand. He jerked it back up when a plate of eggs and bacon was slid in front of him. 

He could barely keep his eyes open at school either. Halfway through the day he actually did fall asleep. 

“Mr. Joseph.” He could hear but he wasn’t responding. “Mr. Joseph!” He snapped his eyes open and lifted his head. Everyone was looking at him and laughing. “If you can’t stay awake then I’ll have to call your parents! Do you want me to do that?” He shook his head. “Then pay attention!” 

At recess, Tyler was too tired to keep up with his friends as they played football in the grass. Instead, he sat on a bench by himself and watched other kids play basketball. All alone he sat and thought about how tired he was, and Josh. He was always thinking about Josh. 

He wondered if he was okay. He was probably bored. And lonely. But most of the time, he worried about Josh. He worried that his dad was hurting him. He wished he could take Josh away from it all. All he wanted was for Josh to be happy. 

A soccer ball caught his attention as it rolled by his feet and into a bush. 

“Can you get that?” 

Tyler stood up and grabbed the ball. He turned around and saw a girl standing there, waiting for him to hand it over. She was kind of pretty to Tyler. She smiled and he smiled back. 

But he was knocked over when a basketball hit him in the head. The soccer ball rolled out of his hands as he caught himself on the cement. He rubbed his head with the palm of his hand, refusing to cry as the girl laughed at him and walked away. 

He stood up and brushed himself off, he scowled at the girl. He looked over and saw a bunch of boys from the basketball court pointing and laughing at him. 

“Throw it back!” 

“Baby!”

“What are you waiting for?” 

The teachers blew their whistle, signaling the end of recess. They all ran toward the front of the school, shoving Tyler as they went past him. He scowled at them too. 

\----

Tyler started to become an easy target for these kids to pick on. They would call him names and throw things at him in class. His friends were no help to him.

“Why don’t you just go to sleep earlier?” 

“I can’t.” Tyler stated. 

That was the end of that conversation. One day after school, Tyler was walking home when he was approached by three boys. All of them were older and a lot bigger than him. He kept his eyes down and tried to scoot past them. 

It was no use as the biggest one pushed him to the ground. They all spat on him and called him names, he did his best to fight back the tears but he failed miserably. He was so tired and he just wanted to go home, he was tired of the kids picking on him but he couldn’t do anything about it. 

“Aw, the baby’s crying.” They laughed. 

“I think it’s time for the baby to go to sleep.” 

The boy grabbed Tyler by his collar and punched him in the face. 


	2. I’m So Afraid of What You Have to Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh’s eyes grew wide and panic took over his body.

|-/

“Mom?” Tyler timidly yelled as he stepped through the front door. No one answered. “Mom?” He yelled a little louder. 

He heard an outburst of giggles coming from outside. He saw Zacky rolling around in the grass in the backyard. He stepped out and saw a stranger tickling his little brother. “Where’s my mom?” 

The strange girl looked up at Tyler, “Oh, you must be Tyler!” She said cheerfully. “Your mom is at the hospital with your dad! Your baby sister is being born!” 

Tyler glanced up at the shed, “When will they be home?” 

The girl shrugged, “Not until tomorrow. I’m Danielle by the way. Do you want to play with us?” 

Tyler was too tired to play, all he wanted was to go to sleep. Maybe with Josh? He didn’t know what he thought of Josh, just that he made his insides scream. But in a good way. He never felt like that around his other friends. 

“Can I take a nap?” 

“A nap? But if you go to sleep then you won’t be tired tonight.” She stood up and took Zacky’s hand, then reached for Tyler’s. “Why don’t we go watch a movie?” 

She led them in the house, cuddled up on the couch and watched The Little Rascals. Tyler was couldn’t stop fidgeting throughout the whole movie he was so worried about Josh. He wanted to go talk to him. He still wanted to cry from his after school beat down. Danielle didn’t even ask if he was okay when she saw his bruised face. 

All of a sudden, Tyler got a brilliant idea. “Can my friend come over and play?” 

“Sure, who is it?” 

“His name is Jack, I can go get him. He doesn’t live far.” 

“Okay, just be safe.” 

Tyler hopped up from the couch and ran through the kitchen, grabbing his dad’s keys on the way. 

“And don’t talk to strangers!” 

He ran out the garage door and circled back around into the backyard. He knew Danielle and Zacky wouldn’t be able to see him from where they were sitting. 

He struggled with the keys again, but managed to get the door open in record time. He burst through the shed door, scaring Josh. He sat on his knees on his thin mattress, carving into the wall with his fingernail. 

“Josh!” He stopped and looked at the scared boys’ markings on the wall. “What are you doing?” 

“Um, I, uh… count days. What happened to your face?” 

“I have an idea!” 

“Where’s your dad? He’ll be here soon, r-right?” 

“No! He’s with my mom at the hospital!” 

Josh’s face lit up, “Is he hurt?” 

Tyler scrunched his eyebrows together, “No. My baby sister is being born. You can come play inside my house! You just have to tell the babysitter your name is Jack, okay?” 

Josh stood up, “I-I don’t know. What if he catches us?” 

“He won’t. Come on,” Tyler stuck his hand out for Josh to take. “Follow me.” 

Tyler led the boy quickly through the backyard, not bothering to lock the shed. Josh kept tripping over his feet, but Tyler kept him up right. They paused at the front door when Tyler looked down and saw what Josh was wearing. His wife beater was dirty and ripped, and he only had boxer shorts on. And no shoes. 

“Come on, quick!” They entered the house and began running up the stairs. “We’ll be in my room!” Tyler shouted to Danielle. 

He slammed the bedroom door as Josh did his best to take everything in. Tyler began tearing through his closet, pulling on a shirt and pants for Josh to put on, to make him look somewhat normal. Despite all the bruises that littered his body. 

“Here, put these on.” Josh slipped the shirt over his head, cringing as he did. Then carefully stepped into the jean shorts. Tyler looked down at his bare feet, “Do you want some socks?” 

Josh nodded, “Yes please.” 

Tyler rummaged through a drawer full of them, grabbing a pair and chucking them to Josh. He looked down at the ball of cloth in his hand, unsure of what to do with them. He’d never had a pair of socks before. 

“Are you going to put them on?” Tyler asked. Josh looked at him, unsure of how to tell him that he didn’t know how. “Do you need help?” Josh nodded. 

Tyler took the socks from Josh and gently pushed him up against the bed, sitting him down on it. Tyler unrolled the socks and carefully slid one on each foot. Josh wiggled his toes and smiled. “They feel funny.” He giggled. 

Tyler giggled too, “You get used to it.” 

Josh looked around. “What is this?” He asked gesturing to the whole room. 

“What do you mean? It’s my bedroom.” 

“What do you do in here?” 

Tyler laughed, “Sleep, play video games. I don’t know. Have you ever had a bedroom?” 

Josh shook his head, “I was always in your attic.” 

Tyler’s eyes grew wide, “You were up there forever?” Josh nodded. “Wow. I’ve been down here forever. How come I never knew?” 

He shrugged, “I always stayed quiet.” 

Tyler sat down on his bean bag chair, “How old are you?” Josh shrugged. “You don’t know?” He shook his head. 

“Boys! Do you want something to eat?” Danielle yelled from downstairs. 

“Are you hungry?” Tyler asked and Josh nodded immediately. 

They went downstairs and ate at the kitchen counter. They talked about normal stuff, well mostly Tyler talked, Josh just listened. He made Josh laugh a couple times and it made Tyler’s insides scream a little louder. 

All in all, they were having a great time. Josh looked happy, he was being fed, he was able to hang out with Tyler outside of that stinky old shed. That was until, the garage door opened. And Josh came face to face with Mister, who stopped dead in his tracks when he saw him. 

Josh’s eyes grew wide and panic took over his body. Tyler panicked too. But Josh’s fear was much more intense than Tyler’s, because he knew what he did was wrong. And he would pay for it. 

_ Just don’t look up. Don’t look at him.  _

Was all Josh could think. The best he could do now was at least follow the rules he hasn’t broken yet. 

Nobody could describe the panic that took over Josh’s body. His face grew red hot and he could feel spiders crawling up his back. His hands became clammy and it was hard to breathe. His stomach was doing flips and all he wanted to do was disappear. 

“What’s going on here?” 

“J-Jack came over to play… is, is that okay, Daddy?” Tyler, so innocent yet so guilty, responded. He wished he could take the punishment instead of Josh, after all this was his fault. But he knew it wouldn’t work like that. Sure, Tyler might get a few smacks, but nothing like what Josh would receive. 

“Sorry, I should’ve asked if he could have a friend over.” Danielle apologized, sensing the tension between father and son. She just assumed Tyler had broken the rules. Which he had, but never in a way she could imagine. 

“Oh, no. It’s no problem.” His dad smiled, looking at Josh. “How are you doing Jack? Good? How’s your mom?” He walked through the kitchen, picking up Zack and throwing him in the air. 

“G-good. She’s good?” Josh spoke over the giggles. 

“That’s good. Tell her I saw hello for me, okay?” Josh nodded, keeping his eyes on the food in front of him. He didn’t dare to touch it. “Well, I just came to grab something. Your sister is taking her time boys. She’s not here yet, but soon.” 

Tyler smiled, “Did you hear that, Zacky? We’re gonna have a baby sister soon!” 

\----

“I should go back.” Josh timidly said as he stood in the doorway of Tyler’s bedroom. 

Tyler, who was mid-setting up the game system, paused. “What? No. It’s fine for now.” 

“I’m in a lot of trouble. I need to go.” 

Tyler stood up and grabbed Josh’s hand, pulling him further into the room. “Please don’t.” His big brown eyes watered and his bottom lip stuck out. Josh shook his head. “I can tell him not to hurt you.” Tyler’s brain frantically started spitting out ideas of what they could do next. He knew none of them would actually work. 

“No, Tyler. I can’t stay.” 

Tyler nodded, agreeing. 

Once Josh was back in the shed, Tyler ran to his room and cried. He didn’t know why he was so sad. He cried so hard he thought his eyeballs would pop out of his head. He bit down on his pillow to stay quiet, so Danielle wouldn’t come check on him. He wanted to save Josh. He wanted to run away with him. He wanted to escape. 

\----

Tyler decided to skip visiting Josh that night. Instead, he was in bed by 7:30, just like Danielle had planned. Danielle had to stay the night with the kids, just until their grandparents came into town. Tyler was in a deep sleep, dreaming about Josh. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept like that. 

“Tyler!” He was shaken awake. “Tyler!” He peeled his eyes open and found his father towering over him, whispering his name. “Get up.” 

Still half asleep, he let his father drag him down into the basement. “Daddy? Where’s Mommy?” He was ignored. 

“How did you get him out?” Tyler rubbed his eyes, not understanding the question. His dad grabbed his wrists, pulling them away from his face. He held them tight enough to bruise them. “Josh! How did you get Josh out without anybody seeing?” 

Tyler, scared, stuttered. “I-I don’t know. I-I wanted him t-to come over and, and play…”  

“I told you to stay away from him!” 

Tyler was confused, all he said was stay away from the attic. “I just wanted-” 

“I know what you wanted! Don’t go near the shed! Don’t talk to it! Understand?” 

_ It?  _

“But-” 

His words were cut short along with his breath. His father’s large hands wrapped around his tiny throat. His back met a cold wall and he shuddered. He was jerked back and forth. His bony fingers struggled to pry open the hands of his father. Losing more and more air as he panicked, he began to cry. 

“S-stop! Daddy!” 

He let go of Tyler and he continued to sob. “Did I make myself clear?” Tyler nodded as he rubbed at his neck, trying to rid the stinging pain. “Good.” His father flicked his hands away from his neck, examining it himself. “It’s fine. You’re fine.” He pulled Tyler into his side, giving him a half hearted hug. 

Tyler embraced his father’s warmth, as his wife beater and underwear was not cutting it. He loved his father, but he couldn’t find the same comfort he found in his mother or even in Josh. Still nobody even asked what happened to his eye. Nobody cared. Nobody except Josh. 

_ Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh.  _

All Tyler could think of was Josh. 

Tyler, uneducated on this topic, didn’t know that these feelings were turning into a crush. And this was going to be the longest ride of his life. 

\----

Tyler snuck out again. It was colder this time. Fog danced around his feet and the bone-chilling air seeped into his skin. He bit his tongue, trying to stop his teeth from chattering. He looked down at his blue fingertips and blew his hot breath into his hands. 

He took a step of bravery toward the shed. Then another. And another. And before he knew it he was face to face with the door. He reached forward with shaky hands and slowly opened the door. No key was needed for some reason. 

“Josh?” His voice seemed to echo. 

He peeked his head in, finding that it was no warmer in here then it was outside. He stepped all the way in and found Josh lying on his bed, his back toward Tyler. 

“Josh?” Tyler said again. 

He could see his breath, he felt like his skin was going to rip open it was pulled so tight against the bitter cold. 

Josh had yet to move. No blankets covered his frail body. Just a torn wife beater and underwear. 

“Josh?” That was all Tyler could say. He thought his throat might freeze if he speaks for too long. He touched Josh’s shoulder that was ice cold. He shook him but he ended up just rolling lifelessly onto his back. Tyler’s eyes grew wide. 

Josh was dead. Right in front of him. His small body was cold, his lips were blue, his face was bruised. 

Tyler screamed. 

Tyler sat up screaming, only to find that he was in his own bedroom. All of his blankets were thrown onto the floor and he shivered as he looked at the ceiling fan. 

Tyler’s mom came running into the room, flicking on a light that made everybody go blind for a moment. Zack was sitting up in his bed, wondering what had happened to his big brother. 

His mom wrapped Tyler in her arms, “It’s okay. It was just a bad dream.” She said as she rocked him and ran her hand through his hair. She looked down at all the blankets. “What happened?” She picked one up and wrapped his shaking body in it, “Here. That’s better right?” He nodded. 

She hushed and rocked him back to sleep like a baby, repeating over and over “It was just a dream. It was just a dream.” 

\----

Tyler stayed home from school the next day with a fever. His mom, still on maternity leave, stayed by his side the whole day. Except when she was feeding or changing Maddy. 

As far as Tyler was concerned, Josh was still alive. He had no proof that he was dead, but then again there was just as much a chance of him being dead than him being alive. The curiosity ate away at Tyler’s brain. 

“Ma?” 

“Yeah, sweetie?” She says as she tugs at the quilts of his bed, attempting to fix the mess he had made the night before. 

“Is… is Josh… dead?” 

His mother sighed and sat down at the edge of the bed. “You know you were supposed to stay away from him.” 

“Who is he?” 

She looked around her son’s room trying to come up with the right answer. It seemed more like she was stalling. “You’re too young to understand.” 

Tyler’s bottom lip slid out. Tyler was smart and knew the puppy dog eyes worked on her before. 

She sighed again, “Stay here.” And then she left the room. 

Tyler sat up, ignoring the rush of blood to his head that made him dizzy. A couple minutes passed before she came back up, and she was holding a small hand, leading him into the room. 

Tyler’s eyes lit up and he grinned. 

_ Josh.  _

He’s not dead. He’s right here. Right in front of him. He couldn’t believe it. 

But he looked dead. The whole side of his face was covered in dry blood. His shirt was soaked in it too. The deep bruise under his eye made Tyler cringe like he could feel the pain himself. And the cut on his lip looked vicious. 

Tyler looked up at his mother, expecting her to do something. 

“You can’t tell your father.” 

Tyler shook his head, “Mommy, he’s broken. 

\----

Kelley gently propped Josh on the bathroom counter, carefully wiping away the blood smeared across his face. She was kind about it, always apologizing when she made Josh flinch. 

Tyler sat and watched, mostly Josh’s face, even though it made Tyler flinch along with Josh when Kelley rubbed a little too hard. 

All Kelley kept saying was: 

“Don’t tell your father.” 

“Your father can’t know about this.” 

“Josh won’t be able to come back if your father finds out.” 

Tyler just nodded along with her statements, he knew this was wrong, but it felt like he was doing the right thing. 

Next, Kelley ran Josh a bath. She gave him some bath toys that all he did was look at while she shampooed his hair. It was like he was too scared to play, he would just turn the toys over and over in his hands. 

Tyler leaned over and grabbed his little soldiers, lining them up along the edge of the bathtub. Josh watched Tyler closely, but kept glancing up at Kelley waiting for her to strike. She never did. 

“And you can knock them off, like this…” Tyler said as he flicked them off one by one, leaving three for Josh to do. “You can do it.” 

Josh hesitantly leaned over and flicked them off the edge just like Tyler did. Then he laughed and Tyler’s world lit up. He didn’t want Josh to stop smiling. Ever. 

Kelley fed both of them, but only let Josh have a little. She didn’t want him throwing up everywhere. 

“You’ll have to work up to a big meal, otherwise you’ll get sick.” 

They ate and both fell asleep in Tyler’s bed. Josh fell asleep first, he was snuggled up close to Tyler. His arm was draped across his chest with his head on his shoulder. Tyler moved closer, embracing Josh’s warmth. And eventually Tyler drifted off into a dream with Josh. 

Kelley couldn’t help but take a picture of the sleeping boys, it was too cute. She never wished for this to happen to Josh. Things grew way out of control before she could even manage to yell “Stop”. She was in too deep now. Nothing she does could make this any better.

_ Nobody can ever find out about Josh.  _


	3. And I Don't Know Why Your Love is Unfair But You Will Never Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler connects with Josh’s eyes but Josh looks away immediately. Something wasn’t right with Josh today. He seemed more sad, more hopeless than usual. Tyler slipped his hand into Josh’s.

|-/ 

****_ 6 Years Later _

Tyler knocked. He doesn’t know why he does, maybe to give Josh a sense of privacy every now and then. He doesn’t wait for a response, even if he did he wouldn’t be able to hear it. 

Looking in Tyler found Josh tapping a light beat on the wall with the drum sticks Tyler got him. 

Tyler set the plate with a sandwich and bag of chips down quietly on the floor, not wanting to interrupt Josh’s beat he had going. Tyler sat down on the floor and listened until he was finished. 

“That was cool.” Tyler said, startling Josh. 

Josh looked back and smiled, “Thanks. What time is it?” He got up and grabbed the sandwich, practically inhaling it.

“Three, I just got home from school.” 

Tyler noticed Josh’s bruises that scattered his back, he ran his fingertips lightly along them. Josh pretended he didn’t notice and kept eating. 

“It’s getting bad again.” Tyler said quietly. 

Josh shrugged, already moving on to the chips. “I’m okay.” 

The boys had created a system, and they haven’t gotten caught for years. Everyday after school, Tyler would make Josh lunch and bring it out to him. He set his watch for 1 hour, knowing that’s when his parents got home. And now that he was old enough to stay home by himself while they were both at work, it made their life much easier. 

He would bring Josh inside, but he couldn’t risk one of them coming home early. Besides, he liked the way things were going. 

Tyler couldn’t care less if his mom found out, she actually encourages Tyler to go see him. She always asks how he is, is he’s in a lot of pain. Tyler can always see the regret in her eyes whenever she talks about Josh, he never knows why. 

It’s Tyler’s dad that worries him. He does random check ins throughout the day. He makes sure Josh is still locked away in the shed. He makes sure Tyler is nowhere near him. Tyler should be making his 500 shots for the day, his dad refuses to give him dinner if he doesn’t. He also gets the belt if he’s caught playing video games instead of playing basketball. 

But Tyler knew his dad wouldn’t stop in today, since he came by yesterday. 

Josh finished his lunch and wiped his greasy fingers on his oversized shirt. 

“Can I count?”

Josh nods.

Tyler repositions himself in front of Josh, pointing but not touching every bruise/cut/burn he can find on Josh’s face. He whispers the numbers as he goes finally stopping at thirteen. 

“Thirteen.” He says in a normal voice. “I want him to stop.” 

“Me too.” 

Tyler connects with Josh’s eyes but Josh looks away immediately. Something wasn’t right with Josh today. He seemed more sad, more hopeless than usual. Tyler slipped his hand into Josh’s. 

“It’ll be okay.” 

Tyler watched a tear fall and land on the floor, and all of a sudden Josh was throwing himself into Tyler, wrapping his arms around him with no intentions of letting go anytime soon. Tyler hugged him back and ran his hand up and down Josh’s back. 

Josh started whimpering as he pressed himself deeper into Tyler. “Shhh.” Tyler said. But Josh’s soft cries turned into sobs. 

“I can’t do it anymore, Tyler.” He sniffed. “I’m just… I’m just so t-tired.” 

“Let’s go to sleep then.” Tyler said standing up, he took Josh’s hand in his and led him over to the mattress. He laid Josh down first, then crawled in next to him. He pushed his back as close to the wall as he could trying to create more room for the both of them. 

He cradled Josh and hushed him softly. Josh’s whimpers and sniffs eventually evened out as he fell asleep. And it wasn’t long until Tyler’s watch started beeping, letting him know it was time to go. 

He sat up slowly, not wanting to wake his peaceful friend. He smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you.” Tyler whispered, knowing Josh couldn’t hear him. 

Tyler stood at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes Josh had just used. His head turned over and over in his skull, thinking of something he could do to help Josh. Anything. This wasn’t enough. 

He felt guilty, he knew this was happening and yet he did nothing to stop it. Tyler was almost scared to tell anybody, in case he’d get in trouble. And he didn’t want to see his dad thrown in jail, he still loved him. 

_ Do I? Do I really love this man?  _

_ He’s a monster. _

_ But he’s my dad.  _

_ He’ll kill Josh.  _

_ But he’s still my dad.  _

Tyler was so deep in his own mind that he didn’t even notice his mom walked in. She kissed him gently on the top of the head as he scrubbed viciously at the plate in his soapy hands. 

“How was school?” 

“Fine...” Tyler said, still trying to break free of this thought process. 

“How’s Josh doing?” 

“Fine…” 

Kelley threw her purse onto the counter and sat down. Tyler finished cleaning up, not leaving behind any evidence of Josh. 

_ Josh. Josh. Josh.  _

_ Who is Josh? _

“Mom, who is Josh?” Tyler asked turning around. 

Kelley sighed, “Not today, Tyler.” 

“But when?” Tyler whined, “You say that every time I ask, when is it ever going to be the right day?” 

Kelley shook her head, then tapped the seat next to her. “Come sit down, sweetie.” Tyler plopped down in the seat next to her, his hands already clammy from how anxious he was. He wiped them on his jeans. 

“I think maybe you’re old enough to understand this…” 

Tyler nodded, “Yeah, yeah I think I am. I can handle it.” 

She smiled weakly, “You’ve always been so smart.” She brushed a strand of hair back into its normal place. “You’re so mature for your age. I just…” 

Tyler arched his neck down trying to find his mother’s eyes, her sad, lost eyes. “What, Mom?” 

“I don’t want you to be mad at me… or your father. He’s a good man, he really is.” Tyler nodded, wanting her to keep going. “Your father and I, when we first moved here right before we had you, we were talking about starting a family and how excited we were. I said I couldn’t wait any longer for you to pop out, I wanted you now.” She smiled thinking back on the memory. 

“But your father, you know how he likes to drink… he had a few too many one night. And he hit me, right here.” She pointed at a spot in the middle of her stomach, “Right where you were, and I started bleeding. We thought we lost you.” Tearing up, she blinked away the sadness and stared up at the ceiling. 

“I called my sister and she took me to the hospital. I told your dad I wanted nothing to do with him. I said I didn’t want him anywhere near you. So when we got to the hospital, I lied and told the doctor I fell down the stairs.” 

“Why?” Tyler asked.

“I was scared. I don’t know why, but I was so scared of what your father would do to me. So… they did some tests and said you were fine. You were healthy and everything was right on track, and then they sent me home. But when I got there, your father brought home a baby… Josh.” She shook her head in disbelief, “He thought he killed you so he took Josh from a fire station, you know, like when parents leave their babies there when they can’t take care of them?” 

Tyler nodded. 

“Well, your father found Josh before the firemen did. And he took him. But when he found out that you actually were okay, he couldn’t take him back. He’d get arrested. So… we just had to keep both of you. And your father, for some reason, had something out for Josh. He would always say he ruined his life.” 

“He was just a baby, he didn’t do anything though.” 

“I know, sweetie.” She laid a reassuring hand on his knee, “I don’t know what it was, but I wasn’t allowed to nurse him or change him or anything. He kept him in the basement until he was a toddler, then he moved him up to the attic. He hated it when you two played together, so he tucked him away. I’m surprised you don’t remember, you were quite old before your father hid him. That’s why he got so mad when you found him. He wasn’t mad at you, he was mad at Josh.” 

Tyler couldn’t believe any of this. He thought she was joking. This was like something out of a movie. 

“Don’t his parents miss him?” 

Kelley shrugged, “They left him at the fire station, they couldn’t take care of him. I don’t think they cared what happened to him.” 

Tyler teared up, “I care.” 

“I know you do, baby.” 

He stood up, “I really care about him, Mom! I hate this! Why can’t Dad just let him out? He’s the reason Josh is here! This is his fault!” 

“No, no, no.. Your dad didn’t know what he was doing, honey. There’s nothing we can do about it now.” She reached for his arm but he pulled away. 

“No! Tell Dad to stop! He can’t do it anymore! He’s hurting Josh! I don’t want him to die, Mom! He’s scared!” 

“Tyler-” 

“And you knew about it! You didn’t do anything! Why didn’t you do something?” 

Kelley began to cry, “It’s too late now, Tyler.” 

“I hate you!” Tyler screamed and stormed away towards his bedroom. 

“Your father and I will go to jail if anyone finds out!” 

“I  _ hate  _ you!” Tyler repeated one last time before slamming his door shut. 

\----

“What the fuck is this?” Chris calmly asked as soon as his wife entered the room. 

Kelley sat down on the edge of the bed, running a brush through her hair. “What are you talking about?” 

Chris clutched the family camera in his hand with a crazy look in his eye. He smashed his lips together like he was trying his best not to scream. His knuckles had turned white. “This!” He turned the camera around to show his wife the picture. “What the fuck is this, Kelley?” 

The blood rushed out of her face and she tried her best not to throw up. She looked at the picture she had taken many years ago. Josh and Tyler asleep in the same bed, curled up together. So sweet. So innocent. So wrong. 

Kelley stammered over her words, racking her brain to find an answer that would upset her husband the least. 

“I-I-I…” Chris said mockingly. “It’s a simple fucking question, why are Tyler and the boy in the same bed together? What is the boy doing in this house?” 

“H-He was hurt and… and Tyler was worried about him…” 

Chris snapped. He threw the camera across the room and Kelley watched it smash into pieces and fall to the floor. He came charging at her, stopping when he was face to face with her. He had his finger waving about, thrusting so close to her she thought he might poke her eye out. 

As Chris screamed in her face, all she could think about was her escape route. How would she get all the kids out of the house safely, and herself? Her eyes found the door and she raised her hand to tell Chris to stop when she saw Maddy peaking in the room.

_ Smack! _

“Don’t you tell me to stop! You have no fucking right! You’re in this just as deep as I am!” 

Kelley held a hand to her hot cheek and found her daughter’s eyes, blazing with fear. 

“Tyler! Zacky!” She ran away, crying for her older brothers. 

“Chris… the kids.” 

Chris grabbed Kelley’s wrist, “I don’t give a fuck about the kids!” He twisted his hand, causing a bone in her wrist to snap. She screamed out in agony, using her other hand to defend herself, but also too scared he’d snap that one as well.

“Help Mommy! Daddy’s hurting her!” 

\----

Tyler and Josh sat cross legged facing each other playing Go Fish. Tyler would glance up at Josh every now and then and just look at his focused face, and he always smiled. Josh would look up at Tyler sometimes, catching him staring but looking away immediately. Tyler didn’t know but Josh always knew when he was staring. 

They both glanced up at each other at the same time and bursted into a fit of giggles. 

“Got any 3’s?” Josh asked. 

Tyler rolled his eyes and surrendered his card. 

“I won!” Josh hollered and threw his cards down as a sign of victory. 

“No fair!” Tyler yelled jumping up. 

“Uh uh… you’re mad cause I beat you everytime!” 

“Not true! I beat you and War!” Tyler sat back down on his knees and began picking up the cards, knowing his time left was short. 

“But not at Go Fish!” Josh answered. 

Tyler dropped the cards and pounced on Josh, tickling him in spots he knew he hated to be tickled. Josh erupted into laughter, causing Tyler to laugh too. Both the boys rolled around trying to dig their fingers into the other’s rib cage, when Tyler accidentally pushed too hard. 

“Ow!” Josh screamed and a cringe followed. 

Tyler pulled his hands away immediately, “Sorry! Sorry! Are you okay?” 

Josh nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine.” He rubbed the spot where Tyler’s bony fingers dug into his deep purple bruise. 

Tyler’s watch started beeping, signalling the end of their time together. They quickly picked up the rest of the cards in silence, and Tyler tucked them back into the box of games he brings with him every time. 

“Bye, Josh.” Tyler said and walked to the door. 

“Sorry for being such a baby.” Josh said. 

Tyler stopped before he could turn the handle and turned back around, “You’re not a baby. Bruises hurt. I’ll be more careful next time.” Josh smiled weakly and rubbed his goose bumped arms. “See you tomorrow?” Josh nodded. 

Tyler quickly set the game box on the kitchen counter, looking around to make sure no one saw. That’s when he heard his sister screaming from upstairs. 

“Tyler! Zacky!” She sounded scared. 

He quickly walked to the bottom of the stairs and he heard his mom scream. 

“Help Mommy! Daddy’s hurting her!” 

He ran up the stairs and found Maddy with tears streaming down her face, frantically searching every room to find her brothers. 

“Maddy! Where’s Mom?” 

Sobbing, Maddy couldn’t get the words out. So instead, she pointed in the direction of their parents bedroom. Tyler glanced over and heard another scream, more like a cry for help. 

“Go get Jay and Zacky!” 

Tyler ran into his parents room, putting on his big boy pants and taking the role of a big brother. It didn’t last very long because he wanted to gag when he saw his mom’s wrist bent out of place. But he almost lost his mind when he saw his father treating his mom the same way he treats Josh. 

“Stop!” He screamed and threw himself at his father. 

Chris stumbled backwards as his eldest son shoved him into the dresser. Tyler got a few good swings in before he was grabbed by his one wrist and the front of his shirt and was literally thrown across the room. 

“Don’t you dare hurt my babies!” He heard his mom yell. “Tyler! Go downstairs! Call the police!” Chris grabbed her throat and began choking her. He pushed her down onto the bed and pressed his palm into her neck, cutting off her air. 

“Don’t! Don’t hurt her!” Tyler screamed as he tried his best to pull his father off her. And he screamed even louder as he watched his mother drift out of consciousness. 

Chris turned around and punched Tyler across the face, he crumbled to the floor. Chris used his big boots and kicked at Tyler on the ground. One to the ribs, one to the face, one to the stomach, when suddenly it stopped. 

He looked up and saw Zacky standing over him with a broken beer bottle in his hand. He looked to the right of him and saw his father on the ground screaming in pain. So he rolled to the left and found himself rolling in broken glass. Zacky helped him up and they ran out of the room. 

Downstairs they found Maddy still standing in the kitchen with Jay. Tyler led them outside, taking Jay from Maddy’s arms as they ran across the street to a neighbor’s house. 

The three of them banged on the front door and the windows, crying out for help. For anybody to come help them. Finally someone opened the door. 

\----

Through all the chaos Tyler forgot about one thing,  _ Josh _ . He hopped up from the neighbor’s couch, the wife who was consoling Maddy asked him where he was going. But Tyler didn’t have time to answer her, Josh needed him. 

All Tyler could see were red and blue lights flashing outside of his house. All the neighbors were on their porch, all wondering the same thing: “What the hell is going on with the Joseph family?” 

He ran around to the fence that led to the backyard but his arm was caught by a police officer. “Woah there kid! Slow down! You can’t go back there!” 

Tyler fought the man’s grip on his arm, struggling to put his words together. “I-I have to go! He’s back there! He needs to come out!” 

“Who does? Would you stop fighting? I’m trying to talk to you!” The man yelled, Tyler shut up. “Who’s back there?” 

“My friend!” The policeman continued to stare down at Tyler, not exactly knowing how to react to the crazy kid yelling about someone that wasn’t really there. There was no kid in the backyard. “Josh!” Tyler screamed. 

“LET ME GO!” Chris’s voice echoed down the street. The rage in his voice made Tyler cringe. “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!” Chris dug his feet into the ground, trying to push back against the police officers that had him handcuffed. They shoved him into the car and drove off with him. 

Kelley came out next with her hand wrapped and an ice pack on her eye. “Mom!” Tyler yelled and ran toward her after breaking out of the man’s grip. “Mom! Mom! What about Josh?” Kelley looked down at Tyler and started to cry. She bent down and kissed him on the cheek. 

“I love you, Tyler. Please never forget that.” She walked to the ambulance, leaving Tyler behind. 

“Everybody move! Get out of the way!” Tyler turned and saw three police officers leading Josh out of the house. 

_ Josh. _

“Josh!” 

The more Tyler screamed the more he felt invisible. Nobody was answering his questions. Nobody was paying any attention to him. 

Josh looked terrified, in fact that’s all he could think. 

_ Terrified.  _

_ T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.  _

_ T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.  _

He just kept spelling it silently in his head. That’s until he saw Tyler. 

_ Tyler. _

No longer terrified, but still shaking from fear, he makes a break for it. As fast as his frail legs can carry him and he crashes into Tyler, not quite strong enough to knock him flat on his back, but Tyler sure does fall onto his butt. Josh is in his arms and he’s crying. Tyler is crying. 

“Is it over?” Josh whimpers into Tyler’s now damp shoulder. 

“I hope so.” Tyler squeaks out. 

\----

It had been three days since Tyler seen Josh. Three days since Tyler watched Josh scream and put up a hell of a fight in order to stay right by Tyler’s side. Three days since Tyler could feel Josh’s nails digging into his skin as he clung on for dear life. Three days since Tyler had felt safe. 

Now he’s sitting on a bench along with his three siblings, patiently waiting for what’s to happen next. 

“Tyler? What’s gonna happen to us?” Zack whispered quietly. 

Tyler shrugged, “I don’t know, Zacky. I think we get to go home soon, though.” 

So clueless, so innocent. All Tyler needed was Josh. 

_ Josh. _

There he was, bandaged and rested. When the two boys saw each other, it was like they hadn’t seen each other for years. Josh smiled and looked up at the nurse leading him, she nodded. The two boys hugged, embracing the fact that they were both alive and well. Embracing the fact that they were together and in each other’s arms once again. 

Tyler broke down into tears. He couldn’t help but let out all his emotions he built up over those three days, they were the worst days of his life. Nothing Tyler went through could compare to what Josh ever went through, Tyler felt selfish for feeling sorry for himself. But he was so tired and so confused and so lost. Him and his siblings got split up, Jay and Maddy staying together while Zack and Tyler were on their own. 

“Why are you crying?” Josh asked. 

“I missed you.” Tyler said. 

“Is this the Joseph family?” A voice disrupted their reunion. 

“Yes it is. And John Doe.” 

_ Who’s John Doe?  _ Tyler thought.

“You kids can follow me.” The first voice said. 

All five of the kids followed this lady down a hallway and through double doors. They all took a seat at a long round table in the center of an open room. Tyler perched himself close to Josh, making sure they never get separated again. 

The lady began talking and it wasn’t until well into her speech that Tyler realized there was another lady in there he hadn’t seen. She listened intently, nodding and agreeing with the first lady every now and then. All her words flew straight over the kid’s heads. 

“Unfortunately we could not keep all five of you together like we wanted.” 

Tyler’s head snapped up.  _ What?  _ “What?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Tyler stood up. “What’s happening to us? Where are we going?”

The unknown lady stood up and put a hand on Tyler’s shoulder, “Sweetie, we have to place you all in foster care since there’s no one else who can take care of you.” 

“Ty? I wanna go home.” Maddy cried. 

“We don’t want that. We want to go home.” Tyler demanded. 

“There’s nothing we can do, honey.” Two men entered the room in dress shirts and ties, awaiting the small children. “It’s time to go.” 

“No!” Zack screamed. “Tyler don’t let them!” 

“Tyler and Josh, you two can go with Mr. Beckett. You three can go with Mr. Anderson.” 

All three of them started crying. Jay was too young to understand. Josh wished he could feel for them, but he was as empty as a vessel. “Tyler! Don’t leave me!” Maddy screamed. 

“Stay with Zacky!” 

The three got one last hug in before they were dragged away. Tyler sobbed uncontrollably, muttering over and over again: “I’m sorry. Sorry.” 

\----

“Boys wake up. We’re here.” Mr. Beckett chirped from the driver’s seat. 

Tyler and Josh sleep in the back, Tyler’s head pressed against the window with Josh’s head resting on his shoulder. The first time Tyler had slept in days. He peeled his eyes open and strained his blurry eyes to see a big two story house in front of him. He nudged Josh.

“Josh.” He whispered. “Wake up.” 

Josh stirred, then jumped. “What? What? I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. It’s me. We’re here.” 

“Where?” 

Mr. Beckett opened their door for them, letting in a rush of cool fresh air. Tyler breathed in and climbed out, followed by Josh. Mr. Beckett handed Tyler a brown paper bag with clothes in it, Josh got nothing. 

“Thank you, Mr. Beckett.” Tyler politely said. 

“Call me Charlie.” Mr. Beckett said. “You two will be staying here for a while. So get comfortable.” He knocked on the front door four times, then patiently waited, passing time by whistling a peppy tune. Tyler scowled. There was nothing good about this situation, nothing good enough for him to whistle like that. 

A man opened the front door with a little boy in his arms, he looked about five. The man was tall with brown hair. Josh couldn’t help but notice how large his hands were and he couldn’t help but think about how much it’s gonna hurt when he gets hit. 

The man invited them in and led them through the house and into the kitchen. “I’m Nick. This is Cody, he bounced the little boy in his arms. “This is Sarah.” A woman standing at the stove turned and waved a spatula at them politely. “And over there is Calvin.” He pointed into the living room toward a crib with a sleeping baby in it. 

Charlie smiled. “This is Tyler.” He put his hand on his shoulder, Tyler frowned. “And this is Josh.” He put his other hand on Josh’s shoulder, causing him to flinch. Tyler looked at him reassuringly. 

“Nice to meet you two.” Nick said and stuck his hand out to Josh for him to shake. Josh flinched again and Nick pulled his hand back. 

“He doesn’t like being touched.” Tyler said, then glanced up at Charlie who still had his hands on their shoulders. He pulled away. 

Charlie spent the rest of the hour chatting with Nick and Sarah while Tyler and Josh sat quietly in the living room, watching a kid show Cody was watching. Tyler would look over at Josh every now and then to make sure he was okay. He noticed his hands shaking. 

Tyler rested his hand on top of Josh’s. “It’ll be okay. I promise.” 


	4. Don't Wanna Call You in the Night Time, Don't Wanna Give You All My Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh tried to keep his breathing under control, but he couldn’t help how scared he was. His teeth chattered and his knees shook.

|-/

**** “I’m scared.” 

“It’s okay, I’m still right here.” 

“Can you check if he’s outside.” 

Tyler sighed and jumped out of bed. He tiptoed across the hardwood floor and scrunched his face whenever the floorboards creaked. He cracked the door and found, yet again, that nobody was standing there. 

“Nobody.” Tyler whispered as he crawled back in bed. “It’s four in the morning, go to sleep now.” 

“I think he’s waiting for me to fall asleep.” Josh whispered back.

“Nick’s not gonna do that. He’s not smart enough.” Tyler had no idea what Nick was capable of. But he did have an idea of how tired he was. He rattled off guarantee after guarantee, not knowing if any of them were true. 

“But-” 

“He’s not going to hurt you, Josh.” Tyler snapped, beyond annoyed. “And if he does then I’ll beat him up, okay? Go to sleep.” 

“Can I sleep with you?” 

“Only if you promise to stop talking.” 

Josh scurried across the room and hopped into Tyler’s bed. Tyler already had the sheets pulled open, ready to enclose Josh in the warmth the second he got there. The two boys laid on their backs, shoulders, hips and legs touching. The heat radiated off of them. Tyler watched the ceiling fan spin round and round in the dark room, casting a shadow on the walls from the little bit of light leaking in through the window. He wished it spun just a little faster. 

Josh tried to keep his breathing under control, but he couldn’t help how scared he was. His teeth chattered and his knees shook. Any minute now Nick could pounce on him. Or even worse, Mister could come back. Tyler shifted his leg, brushing up against Josh’s. Josh looked over at Tyler who had his eyes closed. Josh leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Tyler’s eyes shot open. 

“I love you, Tyler.” 

The corners of Tyler’s mouth curled up, he looked over at Josh who had his eyes closed now. “I love you too, Josh.” 

And they both fell asleep in the same position that ended up getting Kelley in trouble. 

\----

1 Month Later

“ _ Don’t touch me!” _ Josh shrieked as Tyler walked through the front door. 

“I’m not going to hurt you! I’m just trying to-” 

“Get away from me!” 

Tyler ran into the kitchen to find Josh pressed into the corner near the pantry, and Nick staring down at him with a shirt in his hand. 

“Josh. Listen. Just try the shirt on. It won’t hurt. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” 

“I said no!” Josh swatted at the shirt in Nick’s hand and collapsed into a pile of sobs. 

“He said no.” Tyler stated, watching from the doorway. 

Nick sighed and set the shirt on the counter, along with all the other clothes he had just bought. “I wasn’t going to hurt him.” 

“But he said to leave him alone.” Tyler walked over to Josh and rubbed his arm. “It’s okay, Josh. He won’t hurt you.” Josh looked up with teary eyes, “Come on.” Tyler extended a hand and helped Josh up. “We’ll be upstairs.” 

As soon as their bedroom door was shut, Josh broke down into more sobs. Tyler wrapped him up in a hug and sympathized every tear that fell. It killed him to see Josh like this. But it killed him even more that he couldn’t do anything about it. All he could do was whisper in his ear that everything will be okay, and hope he believes him. Better yet, hope he believes himself. 

\----

Josh woke up in the middle of the night crying again. Tyler climbed in bed with him and hushed him, kissing him on the forehead from time to time as the small boy shook in Tyler’s arms. Josh hiccuped through his tears when he tried to talk. He cried so hard that he started dry heaving. 

Sarah and Nick came in the room and flicked the lights on. Tyler was blinded and Josh threw up on the floor. 

“It’s okay, sweetie. Accidents happen.” Sarah said as Nick was on his hands and knees cleaning it. 

“I’m sorry.” Was all Josh could say. 

“Don’t worry about it, bud. It’s all clean now, see?” Nick said. 

“I’m sorry…” 

It was the same thing every time Josh wet the bed too. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Accidents happen, honey.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, you get new sheets now.” 

Tyler would sit and watch hopelessly from his bed. He watched them tend to every one of Josh’s nightmares and accidents. But nobody ever asked how Tyler was doing. Nobody knew about Tyler’s nightmares. Nobody knew that Tyler would cry himself to sleep after Josh was asleep. Nobody payed attention to him. 

\----

Night after night Tyler laid awake with Josh, making sure he was okay. He would hold him until he fell asleep and hush him whenever he stirred. More than once Tyler would wake up covered in Josh’s pee, and every time Josh would cry and apologize a million times. 

Josh started going to counseling. He never told Tyler what they would talk about. 

“Just stuff.” He said. 

_ How come I don’t get to go to counseling? _

Nick and Sarah started doing more things with the kids. They took them to basketball games and went to the playground. Josh was hesitant and always stayed by Tyler’s side, but he seemed like he was having fun after he got comfortable. That was the problem though. He got comfortable. 

Tyler, Josh, and Cody were playing out in the backyard on the swingset when Nick came outside.

“Josh, can you come here for a second, buddy?” 

Josh timidly looked over at Tyler, then slowly entered the house. His whole body was tense like he was ready for a hit. His healed ribs ached from just the mere thought. He found Charlie, Nick, Sarah, and two unfamiliar faces all crowded in the kitchen. Smiley and welcoming faces, they spoke carefully.

“Josh, this is Laura and Will Dun.” Sarah said.

Josh looked them both up and down, eyeing them suspiciously. He looked back to Sarah for more information. 

“Your parents.” 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows.  _ Parents?  _

“They want to take you home.” Nick said. 

_ Home?  _ “Home?” They all nodded. “And Tyler?” 

Will and Laura frowned, looking at Nick and Sarah. They all looked around at each other, nobody having the heart to tell him that Tyler wasn’t going with him. 

“No, no sweetie. Tyler’s staying here.” A lump grew in Josh’s throat and he bit his tongue in order to hold in the tears. “Why don’t we go pack your things?” Sarah suggested, offering a hand for Josh to take. Josh backed away. 

“I-I don’t want to. I wanna stay here… with Tyler.” Josh choked on Tyler and let out a sob. “Don’t make me go. I can’t leave him.” 

“It’s okay, honey. You’ll still get to see him, just not as often as you do now. Let’s go get your things and we can talk about this later.” 

“No!” Josh screamed.

Will and Laura gave each other a worried look. 

“No! I’m not leaving!” Josh clawed at Sarah and Nick instinctively grabbed him. Josh shrieked and started kicking. “Tyler! Help! Let me go! Let me go you… bitch!” 

Nick let go of him just as Tyler came through the back door. “Josh?” 

Josh was on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest, rocking back and forth. “Don’t let them take me. Don’t let them take me.” 

Tyler ran across the room and shoved Nick. “What did you do to him?” He screamed. Nick grabbed Tyler’s wrist before he got hit again. “I told you he doesn’t like to be touched!” Tyler struggled under Nick’s grip. “Let me go!” And he ripped out of it. 

“Nick I think you should take Tyler to a separate room.” Charlie suggested. “Sarah why don’t you take Josh to get his things and I’ll talk to Laura and Will while we wait. Is that okay, Josh? You’re not leaving yet you’re just getting your things together.” 

“Leaving?” Tyler hollered. “Where’s he going? You can’t take him!” 

“Tyler, calm down. Let me talk to you.” Nick said as Sarah led Josh upstairs. Nick sat Tyler down on the couch and rubbed the back of his head, trying to figure out the easiest way to say it without completely shattering his heart. 

But Tyler was beside himself, sucking in quick short breaths as often as his sobs would let him. Nick wrapped his arm around him. “Josh is gonna be okay. These are nice people, they’re his real parents.” 

“His real parents didn’t want him. They left him at the fire station for him to die!” Tyler cried out. 

“What are you talking about?” 

Tyler shook his head, “They don’t love him.” He sniffed and looked up at Nick, “You can’t let him go. Please. Who’s gonna hold him when he’s scared? And who’s gonna tell him everything’s okay?” His voice cracked and he squeezed his eyes shut real tight. “Who’s gonna tell me everything’s gonna be okay?” 

Heartbroken by the small boy’s words, Nick stayed silent. He didn’t have an answer for him. There was no good answer, other than Josh is going to live with his parents finally after so many years. Nick didn’t understand what Tyler was talking about with the fire station. He was told Josh was kidnapped. God knows what other false information was roaming around Tyler’s head. 

All Nick could do was hug him. He was starting to second guess this whole foster parenting thing, he was way in over his head. He was told at the beginning that it would just be one boy living with them. And then there were two and they were so attached to each other and now… now they have nothing. 

\----

The boys had one long, final goodbye. Tyler cried so hard Sarah thought he would be dehydrated by the end of it. Josh wouldn’t let go. He clung onto Tyler’s shirt, but he didn’t put up much of a fight when they pulled him away. He looked tired. Josh was tired. Tired of fighting. It was time he accepted his fate. 

Josh whole heartedly believed that he was going back to his old ways, just with a new set of people. Nick and Sarah had treated him so nicely and they were so gentle with him and he was just getting situated, just getting comfortable. Josh told himself that he’d never let that happen again. He will never be that stupid again. 

Tyler refused to take his eyes off the car as it drove away, even after it was out of sight he continued staring. Like maybe if he looks long enough it will come back. But really he was just trying to remember the exact facial expression Josh had, and the exact way it felt to have his arms wrapped around him, and the exact way he smelled. More importantly the way he smiled, and the way he didn’t smile. His laugh, his tears, the way he shook at night like a dog. And he couldn’t help but cry even more when he realized that those memories were already slipping away. 

Now all he wanted was his mom. 

\----

Tyler eventually drifted off into a tear induced sleep, after nearly an hour of Sarah laying with him and rubbing his back. She crept out of the room without waking him and fell into a deep sleep herself, along with her husband and other two children. 

But not long after, Tyler started thrashing around and tangled himself in the sheets. The memories haunting him too well and his nightmare was just too real. 

He was running around his old house, trying to find his parents. But it was empty. And when he went to find his siblings, they were all locked in a room that Tyler couldn’t get into. And when he remembered Josh, he ran out to the shed to save him, retrieve him from his world of pain. But the shed was empty. Tyler found himself sprinting down the street, trying to stop the car that had Josh in it. He could see Josh banging on the windows, crying for help. But Tyler couldn’t help. He wasn’t fast enough. He wasn’t there in time to save him. 

And as sick as this sounds, Tyler wished he never stopped his dad that night from hitting his mom. He should have let it happen. At least Josh would have never been found, and he’d still be here with Tyler. 

Tyler woke up, sweating and immediately searched for Josh in the other bed across the room, but found no one. A dark empty room engulfed him and his fears grew taller. He curled himself into a ball and cried, biting down on the sheets to avoid making a sound. He rocked back and forth, trying his best to comfort himself. 

All alone and scared. It was a feeling Tyler would soon grow familiar to. And in a way, he would find it sort of comforting. 

\----

_ 1988 _

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Kelly says, half expecting Chris to put his drink down and agree, half expecting him to ignore her. She was half right. “I mean, it’s hardly fair to me. I haven’t had a drink in eight months. It’s like you’re rubbing it in my face.” 

“Shhh!” Chris snaps at her, taking his eyes off the TV screen only to glare at her, then gaze his eyes right back. 

Kelly scoffs. “Well excuse  _ me _ !” She says. 

Chris sets his empty glass down on the side table next to him. Kelly gets up from the couch, without ease, and takes his glass. She holds her hand under her  _ very  _ pregnant stomach as she slightly bends to grab the bottle of whisky that’s almost gone. 

“What are you doing?” Chris asks. 

“Cleaning up.” 

“I’m not done yet.” 

Kelly turns her back and starts toward the kitchen. “Oh I think you are.” 

She can hear the recliner squeak and she rolls her eyes, she knows a fight is brewing. Chris follows her all the way into the kitchen, and when she sets the bottle down and begins washing the glass, Chris takes one long swig. Kelly watches, glaring. Neither of them break eye contact. Chris sets the bottle down.

“Ahhh.” 

“You disgust me.” 

Chris laughs. 

“I hope he knows how much of a fuck up his father is.” Kelly says, referring to her baby baking in her womb. 

“You bitch!” Chris screamed, balling up his fist. But instead he thought better of it. Kelly ducked out of the way, and smiled when nothing hit her. 

“Like a little boy.” She pressed on. “How can you call yourself a man?” 

With one swing to the stomach, her world came crashing down all around her. She knew she was going to get hit, she knew what she did would make him angry. But she never knew he would go this far with it. The blood started dripping out, something too familiar to a miscarriage. She cried and crawled to a phone. 

“Kelly! Oh my god, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t-” 

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” 

Chris rushed to her side, helping her off the ground. “I’m sorry. Come on let’s go to the hospital.” 

Kelly shoved him with one hand as she held the phone to her ear with the other. “Get the fuck off me! You stay away from me, and this baby! Hello? Carrie? I need to go to the hospital.  _ Yes now! _ I’ll explain later.” 

“Kelly listen to me!” 

\----

“No! You stay the fuck away from her!” Carrie screamed as she led Kelly out the door in a hurry. 

Chris cried out in a sorry attempt to apologize, but they wouldn’t hear it. He was left alone to swallow his guilt. Four more drinks later and he decided that he couldn’t just sit there and pity himself, he had to fix this one way or another. 

_ Let’s think. I just killed my unborn son, my wife hates me, I might go to jail.  _

Chris set out on a late night walk, smart enough not to drive. He found himself sitting on a park bench, thinking about his escape plan for when the police came knocking. But his thoughts were disrupted by a young couple walking his way. 

The man was carrying a car seat with a sleeping baby in it. Chris smiled at them as they passed. “How you doing tonight?” He said, trying to sound sober but really just coming across as creepy. 

The couple gave him a smile and continued walking. Chris watched them intently. They set their sleeping baby down on the ground as they began to swing together. A smile creeped across his drunken face as the worst idea popped into his head. 

“Excuse me? Do you know how to get to Lincoln Street from here? My wife and I are still getting used to the neighborhood.” 

“Nope. There's a pay phone o-over there.” Chris pointed. 

“Oh. Right. Thanks.” 

The man wandered over, looking around and shoving his cold hands deeper into his coat pockets. Chris glanced over and noticed the woman was gone. But the baby… 

_ Run.  _

Chris didn't stop running until he got home. The baby was crying now, probably in pain from his head bouncing around. Chris set the screaming child on the counter, bit his nails and paced back and forth. 

_ You fucking idiot.  _

“Fuck!” He screamed. Josh wailed. 

One hour passed. Josh was still crying. Chris was still drinking. 

Two hours.

Three hours. 

Kelly walked in, half expecting to be alone. Half expecting Chris to be asleep. But instead, she was greeted with an overwhelming stench of alcohol and a dirty diaper. 

“Chris?” She spotted Josh. “Chris what the fuck?” 

She was right about Chris being asleep, on the floor. The baby had stopped crying, instead he just had his bottom lip out like he was having a bad dream. 

Chris awoke from his drunken stupor when Kelly kicked him. Immediately he went into this heroic story of how he was freezing to death outside at the fire station. His parents left him there. 

“I had to take him. I couldn't let him die. And besides, I thought you'd be happy since we just lost ours.” 

“We didn't lose him, Chris. He's fine.” 

“O-oh. So… now what do we do?” 

\----

_ Present Day _

There's a new boy in Tyler's class, even newer than Tyler. His name is Michael and he sits right next to Tyler. 

“Where are you from?” 

“Georgia.”

“Cool. I've never been outside of Ohio. What's it like?”

“Better than this.”

Tyler smiled. 

\----

“Tyler? Can we talk to you?” Sarah asked. 

They sat down with Tyler, awkwardness arising. Tyler sensed tension and felt uneasy. 

“We had a meeting with your teacher on the phone today… She said you haven't really been paying attention in class.”

“Yes I have.” Tyler snapped to defense. “She doesn't know anything.” 

Blood boiled in his veins. Just the sound of their voices gave him a headache. He scowled at them with such great malice he thought for sure he would get rebuked. Instead, they pushed on about how important it is for him to keep his grades up. 

“It’s not long until high school, that’s when it really matters. And you don’t want to be behind, do you?” 

Tyler wanted to scream. He bit his tongue but it wasn’t enough, the pain made him even more frustrated. 

“Shut up! You… bitch!” 

“Tyler!” Nick and Sarah screamed. 

Tyler stood up. “I hate you! You ruined everything!” Tyler’s dad’s words sang songs and danced around his head. “Fuck you!” 

“That’s  _ enough! _ ” Nick snapped and grabbed Tyler’s arm. “We don’t swear in this house! And you treat Sarah and I with respect. Do you understand me?” 

“Get your fucking hands off me!” Tyler escaped Nick’s hold and grabbed the nearest fragile object he could grab, a picture frame of Nick and his family, and threw it across the room. It shattered against the brick fireplace. 

Tyler looked at the broken pieces of glass and wanted to do something with it. He didn’t know what. He just knew that his rage wasn’t fulfilled. The more he tried to throw something else, or scream more nasty words, and the more he couldn’t bring himself to do it, the more frustrated he got. And instead of doing any of those things, he broke down into tears. 

Nick and Sarah watched, too angry with him to console him. 

“Go upstairs.” Nick calmly said. 

Tyler wiped his tears and headed for his bedroom. The bedroom he used to share with Josh. Now he sleeps alone. 

\----

There was a knock on his door. “Can I come in?” Nick asked from the outside. Tyler didn’t answer, so Nick took that as a yes. When he entered, he found Tyler curled up on his bed. He wasn’t asleep, just in the fetal position, staring at the wall in front of him. The wall where Josh used to stand when they would play catch when they should have been sleeping. 

“Sit up. I need to talk to you.” Nick sat on the edge of the bed, Tyler didn’t sit up. “Now, please.” Tyler shifted his eyes to the ground and sat up, accidentally kicking Nick.

“Sorry.” He muttered. Half assed. 

“I know you’ve been through a lot. I understand. But you can’t talk to people like that.” 

“You don’t understand.” 

Nick took a deep breath, trying to remain in control. “No I guess you’re right. I don’t know that happened to you, or Josh. But I know it wasn’t good. And none of that was your fault. But things are different now. Sarah and I treat you with respect and we expect you to do the same, okay?” 

For the first time in what Tyler thinks is forever, he reflected back on what all happened to him. All the memories of what his father said and did. All the things he’d seen at such a young age. All the emotions built up. They pressed up against this wall that Tyler had created and Nick just broke it. 

“I don’t want to be… like him.” Tyler sobbed. 

“You won’t. You’re nothing like him.” 

“I’m scared to go back. He’s gonna be so mad at me.” 

“You’re not going back, Tyler. He’s in jail.” 

Tyler cried even harder. “I can’t sleep anymore. He’s always here. And I keep having nightmares, he doesn’t leave me alone. And I used to tell Josh not to be scared and that it’s okay but it’s not okay. He hurt me.” 

“He hurt you too?” 

\----

The garage door slammed. Panic rushed through Tyler’s body. He sat up, crinkling the bag of chips laying next to him. 

“Tyler Robert Joseph! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” 

It was too late. He’d been caught watching TV and eating instead of playing basketball. 500 shots or not dinner. Too bad he’d only had a few chips because there’s no way he’s getting any food tonight. 

“Did you make your 500?” 

There was no point in lying, he always got caught. “No…” 

“Get over here.” 

Tyler knew what was coming. He kept his head down, awaiting the force that always brought him to the ground and tears. It was just a matter of time before-

_ Smack! _

Chris’s fist nearly put a hole in Tyler’s cheek. His skinny body was sent tumbling to the ground. His eyes watered but he begged himself not to cry. Chris began tugging at the back of Tyler’s shirt, attempting to rip it off, which he succeeded at. He brought Tyler over to the kitchen table and bent him over it, all the while taking his belt off. 

_ Smack! _

_ Smack! _

_ Smack! _

_ Smack! _

His leather belt was brought down with such force Tyler could no longer hold in those tears. “Quit crying! You’re lucky I don’t give you 500 for all the shots you  _ didn’t  _ take!” 

_ Smack! _

_ Smack! _

_ Smack! _

“Please… stop!” Tyler cried out in desperation.

_ Smack! _


	5. All Your Blood Is Washed Away And All You Did Will Be Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's heart dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry everybody. I didn't delete anything. I just put them all together into bigger chapters.

|-/

****_ 7 Years Later _

“Hey Tyler!” Michael calls from a gas station across the street from the Taco Bell Tyler was at with his girlfriend, Mel. Tyler turns. “Will I see you tonight?” 

“Yeah man, need a ride?” 

“No thanks! See you there!”

It's New Year's Eve. A bitter cold wrapped itself around Tyler and Mel, she clung tighter to his arm to keep herself warm and to keep herself from slipping in the mush. They wiped their feet on the already soaked rug, kicked out of place and crooked at the entrance. They got their food and sat down. 

“I don't know if I want to go to the party tonight.” Mel complained. 

Tyler paused mid bite, “What? Why?”

“I don't know. I kinda just wanted it to be you and me.”

Tyler sighed, “I already told Michael I'll be there.”

Mel laughed, “He probably won't even realize you're not there.” Tyler stayed silent. She was right. Nobody would notice. “Do whatever you want, I'm just telling you what I want.” 

\----

“What are you doing tonight? Got any plans?” Nick asked, preparing lunch for Calvin. 

Tyler shrugged, “Probably hanging out with Mel.”

“Are you drinking tonight?”

“No, Dad.” Tyler lied. 

“You know you can call me if anything goes wrong, right?” 

“Yes, Dad.”

\----

10 o’clock rolled around, Mel still hasn't called Tyler, but Michael has. 

“Hey are you coming?” 

Tyler sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, “Uh… yeah. I'm on my way.” 

Tyler rolled into the rocky driveway that already had at least 20 cars parked. He tucked his hands deep in his pockets and marched up the steps of the porch. He already found people puking in the bushes. 

_ It's gonna be a long night for them.  _

“Tyler!” Michael shouted, a red cup in his hand and an arm thrown lazily around Tyler's shoulders. “Let me get you a drunk. You need one.” 

“A drunk? I think you need to slow down a little, Mike.” Tyler chuckled. 

Tyler three back a shot and chased it with beer. A skewed out on the couch, another drunk girl on his lap. 

_ Mel will be so mad if she finds out.  _

The girl leaned back and kissed him full on the mouth. A rush of lights seemed to blind him, but his eyes were closed. His head was a balloon and he was floating. 

_ I'm gonna puke.  _

He pushed the girl off and stumbled for the nearest bathroom, tripping over bottles and bodies along the way. He reached a door and pushed it open, finding a tall skinny boy already in there. 

“Oh, sorry man.” 

He went to shut the door but stopped when he caught a glimpse of the boy's face in the mirror. He opened the door again, glancing down at the blood on the counter and the puke around the toilet. He locked eyes with the boy. He found the same boy he had known so long ago. The same terrified look in his eyes. The same dark circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation. He found it all in his eyes. He didn't even have to look at his face. 

“Josh?” 

The same curly hair, the same squinty eyes. It couldn't not be him. 

“Are you alright?”

“You… to go…” Josh mumbled before his body collapsed to the floor. 

Tyler shoved his way through the door, smushing some of Josh's limbs. He closed the door and dropped to his knees. 

“It's okay. You're okay.” He used Josh's shirt to wipe the blood and vomit from his face. 

Drifting in and out of consciousness, Josh gripped onto Tyler's jacket. The zipper dug into the tips of his fingers, leaving a red and raw pain. Tyler searched frantically for the blood source. 

“What happened? What hurts?” Josh moaned, then choked, then threw up again. That's where the blood was coming from. “Fuck!” Tyler screamed through a gag. There was knocking on the door. “Someone call 911!” 

\----

A trail of blood lead Josh through a bright white room. He was alone. He reached a rugged, old door. Like one to a shed. The shed. He opened it and found Mister. 

“Joshie you've been such a good boy. Why won't you take what I give you?” 

Josh screamed.

_ Beep. Beep. Beep.  _

Josh peeled his eyelids open and was surrounded by more white light. He jerked, trying to run. Like a feeling of falling while sleeping. 

“Relax, darling.” A woman said beside him. “You're in the hospital. Mr. Dun? Do you know how you got here?” 

Josh looked around, “My mom. I-I need to call her. Is she here?”

“Not yet. But one of your friends is.”

“Who? Jimmy?” 

“I don't know his name. He's got brown hair, kind of skinny. I think he's on the phone right now.”

Tyler paced up and down the hall of the hospital. Biting down onto his thumb, listening to Nick scream at him. 

“Why didn't you call me earlier? You told me you weren't drinking! God damn it, Tyler! This is why we don't trust you! You keep lying to us!” 

“Dad. It's Josh.”

“What?”

“The guy I took to the hospital… it's Josh.” 

\----

“Josh has a condition called gastritis.” 

Tyler's heart dropped. 

“It's when the lining of the stomach becomes inflamed, usually caused by consuming a lot of alcohol. Which then leads to throwing up blood. It's not life threatening, but it is serious. He needs to watch his alcohol intake closely.” 

_ Is Josh an alcoholic? He's only 18.  _

“He's lucky to have a friend like you.” The doctor rubbed Tyler's arm sympathetically. “You can go see him now.” 

Tyler broke down into tears when he saw Josh. Now that he was sober and his adrenaline was gone, the emotions overflowed and he was sobbing. Josh cried too. 

“You scared the shit out of me.” Tyler cried. “What did you do?” 

Josh couldn't answer. He couldn't tell him how much he hates himself. How much he wishes he was never born. He couldn't tell him that he drinks so much so he doesn't have to think about him anymore. Doesn't have to think about how much he misses him, how much he cries over him. He can't tell him that he does drugs to escape the suffocating feeling of Mister creeping around every corner. It's been nearly ten years and he still has the nightmares. 

“Too much to drink. That's all.” 

“That's more than too much, Josh. God I fucking missed you.” 

“Come here.” 

Tyler sat down on the edge of the bed, worried about hurting Josh. Josh tugged at the hood of Tyler's sweatshirt and pulled him down onto the bed, engulfing him in a hug he's waited too long for. He breathed in Tyler, letting those same smells fill him with warm yet bitter cold memories. Tyler did the same, but couldn't find what he was looking for. All he could smell was blood, sweat, and the smell of a hospital gown that made him nauseous. 

“Are you okay?” Tyler asked. “I feel like I'm hurting you.” 

“No you're not. I wouldn't care if you were anyway.” 

Tyler's tears swelled up in his eyes, why can't he smell him? It was so frustrating. 

_ Smile, Josh god damn it. I miss it so much.  _

Tyler would kill to make him smile. 

_ Do something that will make me remember.  _

“Did you at least have a little fun at the party?” 

Josh did smile.  _ He smiled.  _ “I guess. Until my head was in the toilet.” 

Tyler smiled too. Then Josh's mom walked in and both of their smiles faded. A feeling they both remember too well. Regret. Tyler hopped up from the bed. 

“Mom.” Josh said. “What are you doing here?” 

“Tyler's dad called us.” She said with a stern look. Josh looked at Tyler who was just as clueless. 

“H-he did?” He looked over at Josh, who turned his gaze the other way. “Josh I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was going to do that. If it helps, I'm in trouble too.” 

“You shouldn't be sorry, Tyler. You, Joshua, should be. What the hell were you thinking? Just wait until your father hears about this.” 

Josh flinched.  _ He flinched.  _

Tyler noticed. He pretended he didn't but he did. Nobody even touched him. Just the mere thought of getting hurt was enough to set him off. 

“Thank you for your help, Tyler. But I think it's time you left now.” Josh's mom said. 

“No. Don't go. Mom I haven't seen Tyler in years.”

“You can see him when you're better. We'll be sure to call.” 

Tyler grabbed his coat, looked at Josh one last time, and left. Tears streamed down his face as he wakes the halls of the hospital. He made it out to his car and threw up. He sniffed and wiped at his tears and excess vomit. He took a deep breath, watching it float in the cold air around him. He lit a cigarette and let it hang loosely between his lips as he looked back up at the hospital. Then he got in his car and left. 

Tyler doesn't know that Josh watched that whole episode take place right outside his window from the ninth floor. “Joshua William Dun, what is the matter with you?” Laura started crying. “You told me you were going out with a few friends.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“And what’s this the doctor says you have? Gastritis? Honey… you’re an alcoholic. You’re an alcoholic and you’re not even old enough to drink.” 

Josh started crying, which made Laura cry too. She wrapped him up in a hug. “I just wanted it all to stop.” 

“Make what stop?” 

“The memories.” 

“Oh, Josh.” She planted a kiss on his forehead. “I know. We’ll get through this together.” 

It took Tyler nine minutes to get home and as soon as he stepped in the kitchen he broke down into tears again. Sarah held him. Calvin and Cody watched. Nick stood biting his lip, unsure of what to do. And nervous as to what was going to happen to Tyler next. 

Tyler was a nervous mess for the rest of the day. Crying at random times throughout the day and night. Throwing up from crying so hard. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Josh made his stomach flip and it was in such a weird way. It didn’t feel like butterflies it felt like a whole zoo. His anxiety was through the roof and he wanted nothing more than to swallow his whole bottle of pills and go to sleep. But he knew he couldn’t do that. Not now. Now after what had just happened. He had too much to lose now. Too much love to lose. 

\----

Josh hadn’t slept for two days straight. He couldn’t seem to stop shaking, or sweating, or vomiting. A cold sweat broke out along his forehead, along with a high fever and a skull crushing headache. All he wanted was a drink. Just a little one. The pain was excruciating.

He rubbed his sweaty palms down the legs of his jeans. His sweat didn’t go away, the fluff from the denim just stuck to them. He tapped his foot nervously, looking around the waiting room of his doctor’s office, trying to find something to focus on. His head throbbed, he was nauseous, he was a mess. 

His mom put a reassuring hand on his knee. “Stop worrying, sweety. You’ll be fine.” 

Josh nodded.  _ She’s right. You need to relax. Find something else to focus on. Everything will be fine.  _

“Joshua Dun?” 

_ Oh fuck.  _

\----

“Get up.” 

Tyler was stripped of his warmth and forced into the cold as Nick whipped the blankets from his sleeping body. Tyler moaned and rolled over, away from the source of light. 

“Quickly. You gotta go.” 

Tyler sat straight up. “Did Josh call?” He asked, frantically looking for his phone. 

“No. You have basketball practice.” Nick said as he handed Tyler his phone that had fallen to the floor in the middle of the night. 

Tyler sighed, disappointed, when he saw that he had no new notifications. Nothing. 

Practice was a drag. He couldn’t focus. All he could think about was Josh.  _ When is he gonna call? What if he’s calling now? What if he never calls?  _

A basketball caught him off guard as it was passed to him, he caught it just in time. 

“Wake up, Joseph! The hell are you doing?” Tyler dribbled, trying to pass his defender. He sloppily crossed over and the ball was stolen from him, taken back for an easy layup. The coach blew his whistle. “You expect to win playing like that?” Tyler bowed his head. “Sit down! Give me a point guard that knows what they’re doing!” 

Tyler took a seat on the bench, eyeing his phone. The anticipation was killing him. There was no way he could look at his phone now. He was just going to have to be patient. 

\----

“So, Josh… How much would you say you drink per week?” Doctor Daniels asked.

Josh sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Per week?” 

“Day?” Daniels offered.

Josh sighed again. “Like… I don’t know… ummm…” 

Daniels wrote something down on her clipboard, then crossed her legs. “How about we start with some easier questions?” Josh nodded. “Okay. How long have you been drinking?” 

“Since I was like… fourteen or fifteen.” 

She wrote that down. “When do you drink? When you’re stressed, under pressure, angry?” 

“Yeah.” 

Daniels lifted her pen, “What?” 

“Yeah. All of those.” Josh put his head down, his eyes focused on the hazy lines of the tile floor. 

Everything Josh said or did, she wrote it down. 

“Do you abuse any other substances?” 

“Yeah.” 

She wrote that down. 

“Do you have blackouts while you drink?” 

“Yeah.” 

She wrote that down. 

“Do you feel guilty about drinking?” 

“Yeah.” 

She wrote that down. 

“Do you drink to escape from reality?” 

“Yeah.” 

_ She wrote that down.  _

The physical examination went a little better. Not so many questions. Just some cold hands touching cold, sweaty body parts. Josh wanted to hurl the whole time but he grew used to it. After he thought for sure he was going to pass out, she finished. She let Mrs. Dun back in the room and informed her and her son that he was going through alcohol withdrawal. 

“Nothing to worry too much about. Just some detoxification and therapy and you’ll be” 

Josh stopped listening, he mostly focused on keeping his breathing steady so he wouldn’t vomit all over the place. But also because he was ashamed of himself. 

_ How did I let it get this bad?  _

_ I’m a fucking idiot.  _

\----

“Are you nervous?” 

“No.” 

“It’s okay to be nervous.” 

“I’m not nervous.” 

“It’s just a game. We love you no matter what.” 

“I know.” 

This was one of the biggest nights of Tyler’s life. The championship game. College recruiters would be there. Division one schools would be looking for the best players on the court, and Tyler was one of them. All he had to do was play like he knows how, and his future will be set. 

_ Focus. Just focus.  _

He was really nervous. 

The sound of the whistle rang through his ears. This was it. He had the ball, he had the defender right where he wanted him. He put up his first shot and nailed a three pointer. He looked up into the stands to see his parents clapping and smiling. He looked even further up and saw two men in Otterbein gear saying something to each other and pointing, writing something down on a clipboard. 

_ Breathe, Tyler.  _

The game was going well, it was a close score the whole time. Tyler played his ass off, making not only himself, but also his teammates look good. It was the last quarter of the game, only fifteen seconds left, they were down by two. Tyler passed it to the wing, slipping past his defender. He had his hands up, ready to take the wide open shot. He glanced over at one of the doors leading into the gym. 

_ Josh.  _

He saw his teammate ready to pass it to him. He glanced over at the other door, just ten feet away from Josh. 

_ Mom. _

Not Mom as in Sarah, Mom as in Kelly. 

Tyler caught the pass, took his shot. And missed. 


	6. This Doesn’t Mean I Lost My Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn’t the first time Tyler had thought this, but it’s definitely the first time he’s ever said it out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know, I'm horrible. I haven't updated in so long. But I've read the comments and I see you guys, don't give up on me. This one is a little shorter but I really just wanted to give you guys something quick.

|-/

The sound of the buzzer filled the gymnasium. Fans from the other team rushed the court, the player Tyler was guarding practically the whole game leaped up with his smile on his face. Victory was his. Tyler looked up to his parents, they weren’t smiling anymore. His dad shrugged. Tyler turned to his coach, he was looking down shaking his head. The clipboard hung weakly at his side. Some of his teammates patted him on the back, others walked away crying, others stayed silent. 

The only thing on everybody’s minds was the game, except Tyler. He couldn’t stop thinking about the nightmare that just walked into the very room that he’s standing. Josh and Kelly in the same room, after ten years. Tyler dreaded this day. 

An arm was thrown across his shoulder, breaking him away from this nightmare in his head and dragging him into the one right in front of him. “You did good, kid.” He looked up at his coach and smiled with tears in his eyes. “You did the best you could, and that’s all I ever could have asked from you.” 

“Thanks coach.” He said, trying to find Josh through the crowd. But he was dragged the other way.

“There’s some people who want to talk to you.” Tyler was led over to the two men in Otterbein polos, each with a clipboard in hand. “Tyler, this is Coach Radke and Coach Wilson.” 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Tyler.” He shook their hands. 

“Oh we know who you are.” They both said smiling. 

They dove into a conversation about their basketball team at Otterbein and offered him a spot on the roster. But Tyler wasn’t listening. He was too busy watching Josh. He’d found his way over to Nick and Sarah, and hugged them. But he hadn’t found Kelly yet. But suddenly, as Josh turned to walk away, he ran straight into Kelly. 

“Tyler? What do you think?” Coach Radke asked. 

The fear in Josh’s eyes that Tyler hasn’t seen for ten years was clearly displayed. He could practically feel Josh shaking from across the room. 

“I-I’m sorry. Excuse me.” Tyler shoved his way through the crowd, his eyes on one person only. Well, two people, but his mind on one of them. 

Tyler reached them and grabbed Josh’s arm, spinning him around and coming face to face with him. The tears in Josh’s eyes and the quiver in his lip made Tyler’s heart break. 

“Tyler.” Kelly said. 

_ Mom? Kelly? Who?  _

Tyler turned and looked at the Otterbein coaches who were watching him intently, both frowning and exchanging looks with one another. Josh reached for his hand and squeezed it, “G-go talk to them. I-I’ll be fine.” Josh kept his eyes on the ground and Tyler could tell Josh was anything but fine. After glaring at Kelly one last time, he led Josh out into an empty hallway. Silence enveloped the boys and it only took one look for Josh to burst into tears. He sank down to the ground and led out a sob. 

Tyler sat down next to him. “Shh. It’s okay. Talk to me.” 

Josh’s breath hitched and his anxiety set in, letting him know it was there to stay. He ran his fingers through his hair and Tyler couldn’t help but notice how hard he was shaking. He grabbed onto his hands, “Josh look at me.” 

But he couldn’t, Josh knew if he did it would only make things worse. Tyler has only ever seen him at his weakest and he couldn’t stand it anymore. When would he get to be the strong one? Frustrated, he dug his nails into Tyler’s skin. He had no intentions of hurting him and Tyler knew it. The pain burned but he didn’t pull away. Josh began hyperventilating. 

“Josh… Josh.”  _ Shit.  _ Tyler couldn’t remember what he used to do to make it stop. “Just breathe. Tell me… tell me about… your parents.” 

Josh squeaked and shook his head. 

“Okay, okay. Um tell me…” Fuck Tyler knows nothing about this kid. “What do you do for fun? Do you play drums?” Tyler asked, remembering the drumsticks he once got him so long ago. He remembered the way Josh would close his eyes and lick his lips when he could a steady beat going on the ground in front of him. 

Josh nodded. 

“That’s cool, do you have your own kit?” 

Josh nodded. 

“Do you play in a band?” 

Josh shook his head. “J-just for fun.” Josh let his fingers relax, not acknowledging that Tyler now has ten moon shaped indents in his forearms. “I-I skate.” 

“Skate and play the drums.” Tyler chuckled. “I always thought we were so much alike. I guess a lot can change in ten years.” 

The tears stopped falling and Josh sniffed. “What do you do?” 

Tyler sighed, “Besides basketball, I play the piano.” 

Josh scrunched his nose, “Really?” 

Tyler laughed, “Yeah, we should start a band.” 

Josh laughed too, “Right, okay.” 

They both laughed together. Tyler couldn’t take his eyes off of him. His smile was perfect, the way he squinted his eyes when he laughed. It was all perfect. 

\----

“You walked away from them?” Tyler’s dad screamed. 

“Josh needed me.” Tyler said as he set his bag down in the kitchen. 

“The least you could have done was said yes! And then you excuse yourself! What kind of an idiot just walks away without saying anything?” 

“Obviously me, Dad! And I apologized to them!” 

“You’ve waited your whole life for that conversation, and you just walked away from it like it wasn’t the only opportunity you’re going to get.” 

“Maybe I don’t want to play basketball anymore! Did you ever think about that?” 

His words shocked both of them. This wasn’t the first time Tyler had thought this, but it’s definitely the first time he’s  _ ever  _ said it out loud. His dad stood there, dumbstruck. 

“I-I don’t know, dad. It just doesn’t seem-” 

“Do you have another plan in mind?” 

Tyler cleared his throat uncomfortably. “M-music.” 

His dad laughed. Tyler felt his eyes well up with tears. “Music? Since when have you had any interest in music?” 

“A long fucking time, Dad! Maybe if you actually paid attention to me instead of your other two kids, you would realize that I’ve been unhappy with my life for a while now!” 

His dad wasn’t smiling now, he was angry. “Don’t pull that bullshit card on me! Your mom and I love you! You wouldn’t be here if we didn’t!” 

“It’s funny. For a second there you sounded like Chris.” 

“Get out the fuck out of my sight. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night.” Nick was boiling with anger. He couldn’t even look at Tyler without wanting to throw something at him. 

“Oh, no. I wasn’t mistaken. You’re exactly like him. I’m starting to think I never left.” 

“Oh you left all right! After your mother and I fucking  _ saved you _ ! You’re an ungrateful little-” 

“Bitch? Yeah I know, that’s what Chris used to tell me.” 

Tyler stormed up to his room and slammed the door. He texted Josh. 

“So the drums, huh?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments


	7. I Built This Tower Out of Mortal Bricks They're Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re cold as ice Tyler Joseph.” Michael said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I mentioned it before and it's kind of irrelevant but Nick is a teacher. Just so I can clear up some confusion that might occur in this chapter.   
> Also thank you for all the kind comments! We're at like nearly 5000 hits or something crazy. I can't thank you all enough!

|-/

**** Days had passed and Tyler still hadn’t made up with his dad. His mother kept giving him worried looks every time they were in the same room together. Her eyes were begging him to apologize. 

_ I have nothing to apologize for. He’s a stubborn asshole.  _

“Can I come over?” Tyler texted Josh. 

“Dude I live like an hour away.” 

“I don’t care. I’m coming over.” 

Forty five minutes later and Tyler was on Josh’s front door step. He raised his hand to knock, realizing his hand was shaking, and his knees. Then all of a sudden he was eight years old knocking on a shed door. 

_ Stop it, Tyler.  _

Josh opened the door before Tyler’s knuckles could even reach the door. “Hey.” Josh smiled. Tyler smiled back. Josh led him down into the basement. The first thing that caught Tyler’s eye was the shiny drum kit in the corner. 

“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you played.” 

“I’m only allowed to play if I keep my grades up, my parents hate the noise.” 

Tyler glanced over and saw a keyboard also set up a few feet away from the drums. “And you have a piano?” Tyler gasped as he wandered over to it. Josh laughed. “I’ve never played alone before. Only at school.” 

“You don’t have your own?” 

“No.” Tyler said, not wanting to bring up that his parents had just found out he played. 

“Well, you can have it if you want. I bought it like three years ago hoping to teach myself to play, but I never got around to it.” 

“A-are you sure? I feel bad.” Tyler said, letting his fingers glide across the shiny, black keys. 

“Yeah I’m sure.” 

“Thanks, man.” Tyler said as he sat down and turned it on. He let his fingers play a tune he knew so well, one he wrote himself. He let the notes swallow him and he quickly became embarrassed when he looked up and Josh was sitting on the carpet in front of him, cross legged. Tyler chuckled as his face turned bright red. “You look like a little kid.” 

Josh laughed too, “Keep playing.” 

“No, I can’t now. I interrupted my flow.” They both laughed. 

“Josh!” Footsteps descended the stairs and stopped when Josh’s mother saw them. “Josh! Oh-” 

“Hey mom, Tyler came over I hope that’s okay.” 

Tyler stood up from the piano, even more embarrassed now. “Oh, that’s fine sweety. How are you, Tyler?” 

“I’m good, ma’am. How are you?” 

“Great.” She smiled at her son. “Maybe you could show Josh a thing or two on that thing. It’s a lot quieter than the drums. Dinner in ten, are you staying Tyler?” 

“U-um. No I should get going. My dad’s gonna wonder where I am. Thanks for having me, though.” 

Josh helped Tyler load the keyboard into Tyler’s trunk. “Thanks.” Then they stood there awkwardly in the cold, shivering. Neither really knew what to do or say next.  _ Do I hug him? Is he okay with me touching him? I want to kiss him. Wait. No. I have a girlfriend.  _

“Okay, well… I’ll see you later I guess?” 

“Yeah.” Tyler said through an awkward chuckle that sounded way too forced. 

Josh leaned in and wrapped Tyler in a loose hug.  _ Thank God.  _ Tyler couldn’t stop smiling on his way home, and the joy stayed when he saw that he was home alone. He could bring in his keyboard without anybody seeing. He sat on his bed, the keyboard in front of him. He tapped a random key, then one an octave lower, and then another. 

Tyler laid back on his bed and closed his eyes for just a second, then the doorbell rang. Dragging his feet behind him he walked down the stairs and opened the front door. 

“Chris?” Tyler said as Chris lurched forward and held a cloth over Tyler’s face. His body fell to the floor. 

Tyler’s eyes shot open as the doorbell rang.  _ It was just a dream.  _ “Tyler?” He heard a voice from downstairs. Tyler opened his bedroom door and looked over the banister, he saw Mel standing in his living room. “Why didn’t you answer the door?” 

“I was asleep.” He said. 

“Can I come up?” 

“Um…” Tyler thought about the keyboard sitting on his bed, “Sure.” 

He ran to his room and shoved it in his closet, closing the doors just as Mel walked in. “What were you doing?” 

“What?” Mel nodded toward the closet that Tyler had his back pressed up against. “Oh, putting away clothes.” 

Mel smiled, “I missed you. Come here.” She said as she sat down on the bed. “Where have you been?” She grabbed Tyler’s shirt and pulled him on top of her. “Are you avoiding me?” 

“No.” Tyler said as he leaned down and kissed her neck. “I’ve been busy.” 

Mel’s fingers trailed down his chest and played with the bottom hem of his shirt before tugging it over his head. He kissed her on the mouth and she fell onto her back. Mel’s shirt came off next, then both of their pants. She forced Tyler’s hand onto her boobs and let her other one rub against his groin. 

She realized Tyler wasn’t hard and assumed he just wasn’t there yet. She stuck her hand right on his penis and Tyler flinched and pulled back a little. “What’s wrong?” Mel asked as she yanked Tyler’s neck down so she could kiss him again. 

“I cheated on you.” Tyler said. 

Mel stopped kissing him. “What?” 

Someone knocked on his bedroom door. “Tyler?” He looked up to see Nick standing in the doorway, frozen. He looked at his half naked son laying on top of one of his half naked students, then averted his eyes. “Dinner.” He said before walking out and closing the door behind him. 

Tyler looked down at Mel who had tears in her eyes. They both sat up but Mel wouldn’t look at him. He felt horrible. He watched the pain on her face slowly turn into anger. “Mel?” She looked up at him and smacked him hard across the face. She frantically gathered up her clothes, tugging them on as tears streamed down her face. 

“Mel, I’m sorry.” He tried as he helped pick up her clothes she was dropping. “Can we talk about this?” Mel snatched her shirt from his hand. “Mel please.” She swung at him again, this time with her fist. And she cut open his cheek with her ring. 

Tyler’s dad didn’t even say anything about it. Not even as his mom addressed the wound and basically cried. He just sat there and drank his beer as he helped Cody with his homework. 

\----

“What the hell happened?” Michael asked Tyler at school. 

Tyler laughed, “You didn’t hear?” Michael shook his head. “I told Mel I cheated on her and she punched me, really fucking hard actually.” 

“Why the hell did you tell her?” 

“I guess I wasn’t happy. I knew she wouldn’t leave if I told her I wanted to break up with her. So I figured I’d let her leave me.” 

“You’re cold as ice Tyler Joseph.” Michael said. 

\----

Tyler had the volume low on the keyboard. He played a tune that he wrote, about Josh. He hummed the words quietly as he tried to piece together the notes and make them connect into a finished puzzle. “There was a moment in my life, where I thought that you were gone. And every moment of my life, was just us pretending, so-” 

“What are you doing?” 

Tyler spun around and saw his dad standing behind him. Tyler sighed, “Nothing important.” He switched the power off and put away his notebook filled with lyrics

“Where did you learn to play like that?” 

“Nowhere I just… taught myself.” 

“Did you write that?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“Can I see?” Nick asked gesturing towards the notebook. 

Tyler hesitated. He thought of all the twisted words he’d written on those pages. All the rhymes that tied into something so depressing and unethical. “Um… they’re kind of personal.” 

“I’m your dad.” He reached for the notebook.

“I don’t think you would look at me the same way anymore.” Nick’s hand froze. “I mean, m-maybe later. I’m not finished with them yet.” Nick still looked uncomfortable. “I just don’t want to show anyone yet, because they’re not done.” 

Nick nodded. “Well, whenever you’re ready.” Tyler nodded as well. Nick grabbed his chin and examined his bruised cheek. “So-”

“I’m fine, Dad.” 

Nick raised his eyebrows. “I was gonna say Kelly called.” Tyler’s stomach dropped. “She wants to talk to you. Do you want to-”

Tyler looked down. “No. Tell her not to call again.” 

“I really think-”

“I don’t care what you think! I don’t want to see her!” 

“Okay. I take it that means you don’t want to see Chris either?” 

_ I might throw up.  _ “What?”  _ I can’t feel my legs.  _

“He got out, he’s on probation.” 

Tyler ran to the bathroom and puked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please!


	8. Do Not Be Alarmed If I Fall Into The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah hushed Tyler and wiped away more of his tears. “I’m scared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this might be kind of confusing. So ten years earlier, Tyler is seven. Three years later Tyler is 10 (and living with Sarah and Nick). Present day Tyler is seventeen again.

|-/

Curled over the toilet, Tyler spilled his insides as Nick patted him on the back. Tyler’s mom came rushing in. 

“Tyler? Nick? What happened?” 

Tyler had finished puking long enough to choke out, “Does Josh know?” But he gagged on the last word and threw up again. 

“Does Josh know what?” Sarah asked. She got a wet washcloth and draped it over the back of Tyler’s neck. “Nick! What is he talking about?” 

“Kelly called. Chris is out of jail” 

Tyler gagged again when he heard those words. 

“How in the hell- that’s not- what the fuck!” Sarah screamed. 

Tyler took a deep breath, he was done puking for now. He leaned against the bathtub and wiped the tears from his eyes. Sarah bent down in front of him and used the washcloth to wipe away the excess vomit and snot. “Tyler, you’re gonna be okay. Everything will be fine.” 

“I’m not worried about me, Mom! What about Josh?” 

“Right now we should be worrying about you and no one else. I’m gonna call Josh’s mom and-” 

“What if he comes back? What if I see him out in public? What if Josh sees him?” Tyler cried. Sarah hushed Tyler and wiped away more of his tears. “I’m scared.” 

\----

10 Years Earlier

“Tyler Robert! Get your ass down here!” 

Tyler paused his game and hesitantly descended the stairs. He saw his father standing in the living room pacing back and forth with a beer in his hand. He looked up and saw his son. 

“Get over here.” He barked. When Tyler was in arm’s reach, he grabbed the shoulder of his shirt and yanked him hard enough to rip the fabric. “I told you to clean up the living room. Did I not?” 

Tyler kept his eyes on the beer, “You did.” 

“So why the fuck did Zack just tell me that he cleaned it?” Tyler didn’t have an answer for him. He messed up. There was no way out of this. Chris smacked Tyler on the side of the face with the bottle, the beer sloshing out onto the carpet and Tyler’s clothes. “Answer me!” 

“I-I don’t know.” Tyler looked over at Zack sitting on the couch with Maddy. They both kept their eyes on the TV, thankful it was Tyler who was receiving the wrath and not them. 

Chris dragged Tyler into the bathroom and punched him hard in the stomach. Tyler fell to the floor and cried. Chris took a drink and set the bottle down on the counter before stomping Tyler’s rib cage into the hardwood floor. He kicked him over and over again until Tyler finally began throwing up. Chris bent down and picked Tyler up, positioning him over the toilet and just watched as Tyler’s insides were emptied. Tyler cried even harder when he saw blood. 

When he was done, Chris used a wet washcloth to wipe away the blood and puke from Tyler’s face. Then he grabbed Tyler’s chin and leaned in close to him. “When I tell you to do something, you do it. Not your brother,  _ you.  _ Understand?” Tyler nodded. “Good. Now clean this up.” Chris said as he grabbed his bottle and left. 

\----

3 Years Later

“I’m worried about him, Nick. He can’t even sleep at night without one of us in there with him. And even then he still cries.” Sarah said. 

“Should we talk to Josh’s old therapist? See if Tyler should go see her?” 

“I don’t think Tyler would open up to a stranger like that.” 

Tyler sat upstairs in the loft, listening to every word they were saying about him. He had his head pressed up against the metal bars, the edges dug into his face but he didn’t mind the pain. Actually, he pressed his face harder into the bars with every sentence they said. His anger began building up inside, it made his headache. His throat hurt and his temples throbbed. He focused his eyes on the rain outside and listened to the thunder roll across the sky. 

“He’s just so stubborn, I wish we could-” 

“Why are you talking about me?” Tyler asked, now standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Neither Nick nor Sarah noticed him standing there. 

“We weren’t, sweetie.” 

“Yes you were. I heard you.” Tyler said taking a step forward. “If you want me to go then tell me.” Tyler’s eyes began welling up with tears. 

“No, buddy. We don’t want you to go. We want to help you.” Nick said stepping toward Tyler. 

Tyler backed up. “If you wanted to help me then you wouldn’t have sent Josh away.” Tyler sighed when neither of them answered. “I want my mom.” 

Sarah put her hand on her heart, that little boy with the big brown eyes made her heart break into a million pieces. She wasn’t hurt that she couldn’t fill the role as his mother, not in this moment at least. She was hurt because he needed his mom and there was nothing she could do about it. 

“I know you do, Ty. But maybe we should talk about-” 

“I don’t want to talk. I want to go home!” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I want my mom.” 

“Tyler listen-” Nick took another step forward, but that was it for Tyler. He turned around and bolted out the back door. 

He could hear Nick screaming his name but he didn’t stop. Tyler took off into the woods and ran until his legs couldn’t take anymore. His face burned from the tears and all of a sudden he couldn’t breathe. He collapsed on the ground and cried. His head throbbed, his throat burned, his eyes stayed shut. Breathing heavily, he couldn’t move. He slipped into a feverish nightmare immediately. He dreamt of Josh. 

Nick came running through the woods with an umbrella. He found Tyler lying on the ground with his eyes shut and immediately thought he was either hurt or dead. He raced to his side and checked to see if he was breathing, which he was. He checked his head for any injuries and found none. Tyler began crying because of the nightmare he was having and flinched. 

“It’s okay, Ty. I’m right here buddy.” Nick said as he scooped his up. He carried the small boy in his arms and positioned Tyler’s head on his shoulder. He walked as fast as he could back to the house and set him down on the carpet. 

“Get those wet clothes off him!” Sarah screamed as she ran upstairs to get some towels and pajamas out of the dryer. 

Nick stripped Tyler and felt his forehead, he was burning up. 

“Daddy?” 

“Go back upstairs Cody, it’s okay.” 

“Is he dead, Daddy?” Cody asked taking another step forward.

“No, Cody. I said go back upstairs!” Nick yelled. The little boy stuck his bottom lip out and Nick knew tears were coming. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Why don’t you go check on your little brother for me?” Cody nodded and ran up the stairs. 

Sarah came back down and wrapped Tyler up in a towel. Tyler began to stir and immediately began crying when he opened his eyes. “It’s okay, baby. We’re right here.” Sarah said as she cradled him in her arms. 

“He has a fever.” Nick said as he ran into the kitchen to grab the thermometer. 

“Oh fuck, 105.” Sarah said after she stuck it in his mouth. “Go get the kids in the car.” 

Nick ran upstairs and Sarah began dressing Tyler into the pajamas. She wrapped him up in a blanket from the couch just as Nick came back downstairs. She carried him outside to the car and they drove to the hospital. 

Tyler doesn’t remember much after waking up in his living room, shivering and crying. His head felt like it was going to explode and all he really wanted was to go to sleep and wake up next to Josh. 

He woke up in the hospital bed, Josh was nowhere in sight. “Joshie?” He choked out but it wasn’t very clear. 

Sarah looked up from Calvin in her arms and handed him off to Nick. She rushed to Tyler’s side. “It’s okay, you’re okay. How are you feeling?” 

“Mommy.” Tyler said. 

“No, sweetie. I’m sorry your mommy isn’t here.” Sarah ran her fingers through his hair. Tyler reached up and grabbed her hand. He wrapped his little fingers in between hers. 

“Mommy.” He said again and Sarah realized what he meant. She looked over at Nick and started crying.

\----

Present Day

Tyler had a fever of 102, so he slept the rest of the day. And when he wasn’t sleeping he was worrying, which meant he was usually crying. He texted Josh once Nick got off the phone with the Dun’s, just to see if Josh knew yet. 

“How are you?” 

“I don’t really want to talk about it right now.” Josh sent back and Tyler respected that. So he didn’t text him for the rest of the day. 

Instead, Tyler began writing more songs. 

“I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I, don't know where I should go and the tears and the fears begin to multiply. Taking time in a simple place in my bed where my head rests on a pillowcase. And it's said that a war's led but I forget that I let another day go by. I want to be afraid but it seems that these days I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther. My heart's getting harder, I'm calling my father, am I screaming to an empty sky? Empty sky, no way, that's me cause one half of my heart is free. Empty sky, no way, that's me cause the other half of my heart's asleep.” 

“The young boy wants to move ahead and the old man sings rewind. I wonder when in this timeline we’ll break to the other side. Maybe there’s a span of time when we feel we’re neither nor. Not wanting to go back again and not wanting to go forth. The point in life must be pretty dark and hopeless, terrifying. And if you’re asking me when that is… it must be tonight.” 

_ T-E-R-R-I-F-Y-I-N-G _

“And I, I tried to sing for you. I tried to live for you. I tried to keep the truth. Oh yeah, I, I failed to sing for you. I failed to live for you. I failed to keep the truth. I want to know I want to see. I want to be with you when I am weak. People look at him and think that he will live his life, so perfectly but what they don't know is he wants to die. Because the only reason why you think his life is clear Is because he knows that he will never understand.”

“Tyler?” Tyler looked up from his notebook and saw Calvin standing in the doorway to his bedroom. 

“Hey.” Tyler said as he slipped the notebook under the pillow. “You okay?” Calvin nodded. “Come here.” Calvin climbed onto the bed but kept a safe distance from him. “What’d you need?” 

“Why were you crying?” 

Tyler sighed, “Because I was sad.” 

“Why?” 

“Something bad happened to me and my friend.” Tyler chewed the inside of his cheek, knowing the curious boy was not done asking questions and he was trying to figure out the best way to answer.

“What was it? What was so bad?” 

“Somebody was mean to us when we were little and now he’s being mean to us again.” 

Calvin sighed, “Well, I’ll protect you.” Tyler smiled at his little brother and he thought about Zack, he started crying again. Calvin climbed over and hugged him. “It’s okay, Tyty. Nobody will hurt you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me comments!


	9. Because of You I Might Think Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I need you, Ty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!

|-/

Tyler was ripped out of his feverish nightmare when his phone started buzzing under his pillow. The ring was far too loud and it made him practically jump out of his bed. He squinted at the screen that read “Joshua” along with “2:17 AM”.

“Josh?” Tyler answered, his throat hoarse.

“Tyler?” Josh sniffed. “I-I’m in your driveway.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I need you, Ty.”

Tyler led Josh back upstairs to his room as quietly as he could. He sat Josh down on the bed as he closed his bedroom door without making a sound. Flipping on the lamp he immediately found Josh sobbing and shaking. Tyler sat down next to him and wrapped him into a hug.

“Josh, it’s okay.” Tyler comforted him. He rubbed small circles on his back. “He can’t get to you.”

“Help… me.” Josh’s tired voice squeaked out.

“I’m here, Joshie. I’m right here.” Josh let out a cry and Tyler hushed him. In both a comforting way and also a “shut the hell up, you’re gonna wake my parents” way.

“I can’t… stop thinking about him… Ty.”

“It’s okay. You need to sleep.” Tyler glanced down at the skinny jeans Josh was wearing. “Maybe I should go get my mom.” Tyler said standing up.

“No.” Josh said grabbing hold of Tyler’s frail arm. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m no-”

“Stay.” Josh said and tugged Tyler back toward the bed.

Tyler sighed and nodded. He reached for the bottom of Josh’s shirt and pulled it off. “Take your pants off.” Tyler said and immediately regretted it, knowing that probably just catapulted him back 10 years ago. But Josh didn’t hesitate, he slid his pants off and was left it nothing but his underwear. Tyler helped him under the sheets then climbed in with him. “Is this okay?” He asked and Josh nodded. Tyler switched off the light and enclosed them in darkness. He held onto Josh all night, even though he was smaller he felt he needed to protect him. Tyler should have known this nightmare wasn’t over. He felt it in his stomach the day he watched his father be taken away in a cop car. He felt it when he watched Josh be taken away in an ambulance. He’s felt it for so long but just chose to ignore it.

\----

7 Years Earlier

“Okay you know where to find us if you need anything, right?” Josh’s mom asked. Josh nodded, not making eye contact. “Okay, sweetie. Get some sleep alright?” Josh nodded again and pulled the blankets closer to his chin.

Josh didn’t sleep a wink that night. He stayed up and listened for every sound, for every foot step, for every scream. And although there was no screaming or footsteps, Josh’s mind played tricks on him all night. The next morning, Laura came creeping into his room and he pretended to be asleep.

“Josh.” She whispered and lightly tapped his shoulder. “It’s time to wake up.”

Josh pretended to stir and peacefully rose from his bed. He followed Laura downstairs and ate breakfast with her in silence. Josh ate fast, never looking up from his bowl. Laura couldn’t believe her eyes. She allowed Josh to watch TV as she cleaned up their dishes. She was almost finished when she heard a screech come from the living room.

“Get away from me! Get him away! Help me, Tyler!”

Laura came running into the room and found Josh with his back pressed against the wall in tears, and her husband standing across from him. “What happened, Bill?”

“N-nothing. I just came around the corner and he freaked out.”

“Josh, sweetie, it’s okay. He’s not gonna hurt you.” Laura assured him but he wouldn’t hear it. He continued to sob into his hands as he sank down the wall. Josh thought he could manage Nick, but that was only because Tyler was there. He thought he was getting better, but without Tyler there is no one to protect him. Will he ever be able to trust a grown man?

\----

Present Day

The two sleeping boys peeled their eyes open and squinted at the sun leaking through Tyler’s window. Josh woke up first, but his shifting weight woke Tyler up right away. He glanced out the window at the daylight.

“Guess it’s time we try again.” Tyler sighed.

Tyler got up and closed the curtains, turning around he saw Josh sitting on the edge of the bed in just his underwear, shaking. Tyler draped a blanket across his shoulders as he went to retrieve some clothes. He came back dressed in a sweatshirt and sweatpants and offered the same to Josh.

“No thanks, I have clothes.” Josh said.

“At least take the sweatpants, no one wants to wear skinny jeans this early in the morning.”

Josh gave a weak smile as he took the black pants Tyler was offering. “Thanks.” Josh timidly watched as Tyler struggled to bend down and put his socks on. “Ty?”

“Yeah?”

“What do we do now?”

Tyler sighed, “I have no idea.”

Josh’s phone rang, making them both jump. “Uh oh. It’s my mom.” He looked up at Tyler. “You answer it.”

“What? No! I can’t-” But Josh had already answered and threw the phone at Tyler. “Hello?”

“Josh? Where the hell are you? Why didn’t you tell me-”

“Um, this is Tyler, ma’am.” He interrupted. “Josh is with me, at my house. He’s fine… Okay… Yeah I’ll tell him… Sorry… Okay… Thank you… Bye.”

“What’d she say?” Josh asked frantically.

“That you’re an idiot and that you left the garage door open.”

“Am I in trouble?” Josh’s shoulders tensed up.

“I don’t think so.” His shoulders did not relax. “You’re not. She’s not mad.” Josh nodded.

\----

Josh stayed over all day. They mostly just stayed in Tyler’s room and played video games. But as the day went by Josh was getting more and more fidgety.

“You okay?” Tyler asked.

“Yeah, I just don’t wanna go home.”

“Why?”

“Because going home means you’re not there to distract me anymore.”

Tyler didn’t have an answer for that, so he kept his mouth shut and played silently.

“Ty? Remember when you got me those drum sticks?”

“Yeah. When we were like, eight?”

“Yeah. What happened to them?”

Tyler paused the game so he could think. What did happen to them? “I have no idea.” Josh chewed the inside of his cheek. “I’m sure they have them somewhere, we could probably get them back if you wanted to.”

“No, it’s not that big of a deal. I was just wondering.”

More silence followed.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember that time I convinced you to come into the house when I had a babysitter, and then Chris came home and caught us?”

Josh practically cringed at the memory. “Uh huh.”

“Well, I’m sorry… about that.”

“Ty, you were like six. You didn’t know any better.”

Tyler shifted in his seat. “I know. I just, I don’t know why but I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently. I feel guilty for some reason.”

“He was gonna beat me whether I was in the house or not. Nothing you did was-”

“Yeah but I made it worse that night.”

“No you didn’t, Tyler. Stop thinking that because you know it’s not true. Every night was worse than the one before, and nothing you did was going to change that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop.” Josh demanded and set his controller down. His eyes glossed over with tears and he bit his tongue to keep the sob in the back of his throat. “You-” His voice cracked, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Tyler stared at the ground like he was being scolded, “You saved my life, Tyler. Why don’t you understand that?” Tyler still didn’t answer. Josh glanced over at an open notebook sitting on top of the keyboard he gave him. It had words scribbled all over the page in no rhyme or reason. “What’s this?” Josh asked and stepped closer to it.

Tyler hopped up from his seat, “It’s nothing, it’s just… Josh don’t.”

But it was too late, Josh had already begun reading, “I didn’t know you could write like this.”

_“I go to sleep every night I should be good at it by now, but very lonely is tonight and time stands still. So now I try to picture you with all the kingdom I can't find, fight and grab eternity with this little mind. I think I saw the kingdom get this feeling I must keep, walking closer crack the door and then I fall asleep. Because every time I think I see your face it fades away and turns to grey then I pray you save the day. Anyhow I just pray that someone hears me now.”_

“It’s about you.” Tyler said. Josh looked up at him and smiled. “Don’t make this awkward for me, man.”

“I’m not trying to, but this is really good.” Josh turned the page and saw more verses, “Sorry. I know this stuff is private, I didn’t meant to-”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t care.”

Josh put the notebook down and walked closer to Tyler, “I should probably go now.” Tyler looked up at Josh’s mouth, then into his eyes. Josh turned to leave but Tyler grabbed Josh’s wrist and pulled him back. Tyler leaned in and planted a kiss on Josh’s mouth, something he’d wanted to do since he was like eight years old.

“Not yet.” Tyler said and kissed him some more. Josh didn’t resist, instead he reached for the bottom of Tyler’s hoodie. Tyler tugged it over his head and pushed Josh against the bed, falling on top of him. Tyler traced his kisses down Josh’s neck and pulled his hoodie off. Instinctively, Tyler reached down and began tugging at the sweatpants. Josh pushed Tyler’s hand away.

“Stop.” Josh said sitting up.

Tyler climbed off of him immediately, “Sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

Josh put his hoodie back on, “It’s fine.”

“Are you okay?” Tyler asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“I know. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

“Stop.” Josh said.

“Sorry.” Tyler said again, and felt like an idiot. He chewed on his lip and watched as Josh shed the sweatpants and exchanged them for the skinny jeans he was wearing when he got here the night before. “You can just leave them there, on the floor.” Josh left where he was standing, he tried making eye contact with Tyler, but he wouldn’t look at him.

“Tyler. Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault. I’ll text you when I get home.” Josh said, Tyler nodded. “Tyler.” But it was too late, Tyler had shut down into himself. He was too embarrassed to come out again. Josh leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. “Don’t be sorry.” Josh said again before walking out of the bedroom. Tyler stayed in that same spot and cried.

Tyler wished he could go back in time, he wished he was never born. His entire existence is the reason Josh didn’t have a childhood. He wished he had a differently family, and him and Josh could meet again when things weren’t so complicated. He wished things were different. He wanted his childhood back, he wanted his innocence back, he wanted his friend back.


	10. I’m Wanted And On The Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His brain kept the image of that man and examined it. A man with grayish hair and a nose very similar to Tyler’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is very short compared to the others and I know I haven't updated in a little while. But I promise the next one will be longer!

|-/

Tyler pulled out of the school parking lot, making a right to go home. He was fiddling with the radio at a red light. When he finally found a song he liked, he casually looked to his left. A man with grayish hair was sitting in the car next to him, his eyes on the light above them. Tyler glanced back at the road. His brain kept the image of that man and examined it. A man with grayish hair and a nose very similar to Tyler’s. 

Tyler’s eyes grew wide. He glanced over one more time at the man, who was now staring at him. The man smiled.  _ Chris.  _ “Fuck.” Tyler whispered. The light turned green and Tyler took off. Chris switched lanes and was now following close behind. Tyler spent more time watching him in the rear view mirror than he did watching the road. He ran a red light, not caring about the consequences and praying that he would leave Chris behind, but Chris ran it too. He just wanted to get home. 

He pressed on the brakes and slowed down way below the speed limit, Chris was riding his ass. Right when Tyler was about to miss the turn into his neighborhood, he sped up and quickly turned onto the street and watched Chris drive straight, missing the turn. Tyler let out a sigh of relief and pulled into his driveway as fast as he could. He barely even turned the car off before he was getting out and hurrying into the house. That’s when he saw Chris’s car pull up. “Fuck!” Tyler yelled again. 

Tyler watched as Chris slowly drove by the house, he didn’t stop, just stared. They both had their eyes locked in on each other. Tyler wanted to throw up. Chris smiled one more time before driving away. 

Later that same night, Tyler couldn’t sleep. He didn’t tell his parents about Chris, he just hoped it wasn’t going to be a big deal. He hoped Chris was just trying to scare him. It fucking worked. It was about midnight when Tyler saw headlights drive past his window, then not even ten seconds later he saw them again. He looked outside his window and found the car parked right outside his house. Tyler didn’t sleep. 

Chris was still there in the morning. Tyler wiped away the tears he had just finished crying and got ready for school. His stomach was bubbling with anxiety, his knees were shaking, his hands were sweaty, his feet were cold. Everything was making him sick. He skipped breakfast in fear of throwing it all up. He pressed his cold knuckles to his hot cheeks, trying to calm himself down before stepping out the door. 

There he was, right across the street. Tyler wanted to ride to school with his dad but Cody was sick, Nick stayed home with him. So Tyler drove to school with Chris right behind him the entire time. Chris watched him park his car, he watched him walk into school. Tyler couldn’t focus all day. He had to excuse himself from class when he saw Chris’s car from a window in one of his classes. He cried in the bathroom and debated on going home, but he didn’t want to walk to his car alone. 

Chris watched him walk to his car after school, Chris followed him all the way home, Chris watched him walk into his house, then he drove away. He came back again at night and parked in front of the house again. This went on for days. All week Tyler waited for Chris to do something, to say something. But nothing happened. Tyler’s parents hadn’t seen Chris, they weren’t exactly looking for him like Tyler constantly was. And for some strange reason, Tyler couldn’t muster up the courage to tell them. 

After a week and a half, Tyler didn’t feel as anxious or scared anymore, he was more annoyed. On Saturday night he went out drinking with his friends. Tyler was drunk when his friends dropped him off at home and the first thing he noticed was Chris’s car. Tyler grabbed a sharpie and a baseball bat from inside and marched over to the car, Chris was asleep inside. Tyler wrote in huge letters, “THIS MAN RAPES CHILDREN” on the side of the car. Then he cocked the baseball bat back and swung as hard as he could, shattering the driver’s side window. Chris nearly hit his head on the ceiling he jumped so high. Tyler smashed the back window and dented the doors as well, all while screaming, “Leave me alone you fucking pedophile! Do something already you fucking bitch!” 

Chris realized how big of a scene Tyler was causing, so instead of getting out and strangling the kid like he wanted to, he drove off. “Fuck you!” Tyler screamed after him and threw the bat, smashing the back windshield. Neighbors were out on their porches now, along with Tyler’s parents. All they could see was Tyler standing in the middle of the street alone, screaming at nothing. 

“Tyler Robert Joseph! Get your ass in this house right now!” His mom screamed. 

\----

Tyler was grounded for a week for making a fool out of himself and the family, but he didn’t mind. As far as he was concerned he just got rid of Chris. He had to explain to his parents why he was screaming at a random car that wasn’t just a random car. 

“Why didn’t you tell us earlier he was following you? He could have killed you.” 

“You wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it, anyway.” Tyler stated. 

\----

Tyler saw Josh’s car in the parking lot of his school while he was walking back inside with his science class. He went over and tapped on the window. Josh rolled down his window. 

“Jesus, Tyler. You scared the shit out of me.” Josh said. 

“Sorry, what are you doing here?” 

“I brought you something.” Josh said smiling. 

“You did?” Tyler smiled too, “What is it?” 

Josh reached over and pulled something out of his glovebox, then he turned and handed Tyler a CD. “For being an ass last week.” Tyler examined the purple casing it was in and opened it. “Amends” Josh wrote on the front with a red sharpie. “It’s an apology.” Josh clarified when Tyler still hadn’t said anything. 

“Thanks.” Tyler said, “I mean, you didn’t have to. It’s okay.” Tyler noticed his class has now gone inside without him. “Why aren’t you in school?” 

“I haven’t been to school since I found out about Chris.” Josh said looking down at his hands. “Wanna go do something?” 

“Um…” Tyler looked back at the building. “I can’t, Josh. My dad works here.” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“But um… you could come inside. I have a free period next, I could show you around.” 

“Okay.” Josh smiled again and turned off his car. 

\----

“So you haven’t been to school because you’re scared to go anywhere alone, but you drove forty five minutes to give me a CD?” “This is the first time I’ve left the house since the last time I saw you. I only did it for you.” 

Tyler smiled, “So if it weren’t for me you’d still be cooped up inside your dark bedroom listening to somber music?” 

Josh laughed, “The same somber music that is on that CD.” 

Tyler laughed too. “That’s my locker.” He said as they passed the only locker in the hall decorated with basketball stuff. “The team moms like to decorate all our lockers for the season. And that’s my dad’s classroom.” Tyler said peeking his head in at Nick teaching. He saw his friend and waved, Nick saw and shooed him away. 

They walked around for awhile and just talked. Tyler encouraged Josh to go back to school, and that nothing bad was going to happen. Then the bell rang and kids came piling into the halls. “I’m serious, Joshua. If I can do it, then you can too.” 

“I’m not sure our situations were entirely the same but I’ll take your advice.” 

“Good. I gotta go, though. I’m a good student who actually goes to class.” Tyler teased, “You know your way out of here?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you later?” 

“Of course.” Tyler said, and they parted ways. 

Tyler rounded the corner of the hallway and stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a scream. He looked up and saw Chris standing at the end of the hallway, more people started screaming and running toward Tyler. Then he heard a gunshot and he took off running. 


	11. Just Like Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They sprinted down the hall, both running from something far more than just a man with a gun. They were running from their childhood.

|-/

A bullet whizzed past Tyler’s ear, shattering a trophy case instead of his brain. Tyler ducked out of the way and turned right down another hallway. He collided with other kids, running in the opposite direction as him. He wanted to tell them not to go that way, the shooter was right there. But he couldn’t even remember to breathe, let alone speak. 

“Tyler!” He heard someone yell.  _ Josh. _

“What are you doing? You were supposed to leave! You need to get out of here!” Tyler demanded. 

“I saw him walking into the school! I couldn’t go out there!” Josh gripped the sleeves of Tyler’s hoodie, nearly in tears. “Where’s your-”

Another gunshot and more screaming interrupted Josh. Turning, they both saw Chris aiming a gun at a student’s head. That’s when Josh broke down into real tears. Chris looked up and saw both the boys, the fear in their eyes made him smile. Without breaking eye contact with them, he pulled the trigger. The student fell lifeless to the floor as his brains were splattered onto a locker. Tyler’s jaw dropped. 

“Run!” Someone screamed. 

They sprinted down the hall, both running from something far more than just a man with a gun. They were running from their childhood. One memory in particular swept through Tyler’s head. 

\----

8 Years Earlier

Tyler was nine years old, sprinting down the street after walking in on his father and Josh in the shed. He didn’t know Chris was home, his car wasn’t in the garage. Chris chased him but Tyler had a very big head start, especially since Chris had to pull his pants up  _ and  _ lock the shed door. 

“Tyler Joseph get your ass back here!” Chris screamed. 

But Tyler didn’t stop running, not even when his eyes went blurry from the tears, or when he couldn’t feel his legs anymore, or when his lungs burned and threatened to burst. He found a safe spot in some woods at the back of his neighborhood. He curled up under a tree and behind a bush and cried. He could hear Chris yelling his name but he wasn’t getting any closer. 

Eventually his voice faded away and Tyler was left alone in the cold. He shivered and cried and talked to himself to try and calm down, for hours he laid there without moving. It wasn’t until his fingers went numb and he could see his breath did he decide it was a good time to head home. Maybe Chris will be gone. Darkness fell upon him on the way home and when he reached his front door he could see the moon big and clear in the sky. He thought of how pretty it was, then he thought that Josh was prettier. 

The front door creaked when he opened it and he wished he had just stayed in the woods. Tip toeing on eggshells, Tyler walked to the living room to find his father passed out, drunk. His mother hopped up from the couch and wrapped Tyler up in a warm hug. Her hands were shaking.

“Where were you, baby? I was so worried about you.” 

Tyler cried. 

\----

Present Day

“Tyler Joseph!” Chris screamed. 

“This way!” Tyler yelled and grabbed Josh’s wrist, pulling him up a staircase. “We’re okay. We’re gonna be okay.” Tyler reassured himself out loud, hoping Josh was listening. They reached Nick’s classroom and Tyler banged on the door. “Dad! Help!” 

“Tyyyleeerrr…” Chris taunted as he grew closer and closer.

“Dad open the fucking door!” Tyler screamed. 

The classroom door swung open, Nick grabbed Tyler by the shirt and yanked him in. Josh clung to the back of Tyler’s shirt and pressed himself as close as possible. A gun shot just barely missed Josh as Nick slammed the door and locked it. Students shoved filing cabinets and desks in front of the door while Tyler cried in his dad’s arms. Nick noticed Josh standing alone and crying too, so he pulled him into a hug as well. He didn’t question why Josh was here, when he should have been at his own school. He just embraced the boy he once called his own. 

It only took one shot to knock the door handle off the door. And it only took a good shove to get into the classroom. The students were screaming and crying. Nick had backed Tyler and Josh up and was shielding them with his body. 

Chris swung the gun around screaming, “Everybody shut the fuck up! Put your hands up! All of you!” The kids did as they were told. He aimed the gun at one kid in particular, then looked at Nick. “Give me Josh and I won’t shoot this kid.” 

“You’re gonna have to kill me before you get your hands on any of these kids.” Nick said. 

“Fine.” Chris said as shot Nick in the chest. 

Everyone screamed, Tyler dropped down onto the floor next to his dad. Kids were running out of the room while they had the chance, others were frozen in place. Tyler looked up when Josh screamed. 

Chris had his arm wrapped around Josh’s neck with the gun pointed at his head. “You come with me and I won’t kill him.” 

Tyler stood up slowly, still crying. Nick grabbed hold of Tyler’s leg, “Don’t you fucking dare.” He said. 

“Dad, I have to.” Tyler cried, and he followed Chris out of the room. 

“Tyler! Get your ass back here!” 

\----

Tyler doesn’t remember much after walking out of the classroom. Just a lot of praying and begging Chris not to shoot Josh. He remembers watching Chris put a cloth over Josh’s face, and then Josh’s lifeless body falling backward into the van. It was all dark after that. When he woke up he could smell bleach, some sort of chemical. He lifted his head slightly and immediately rested it back down on whatever he was lying on when he felt a kick drum in his brain. Like someone was taking a hammer to the inside of his skull. 

He went to move his hands and found that he had chains around his wrist, that was when it all came back to him. He wasn’t in his bed at home with a headache. He’d been kidnapped. Or, rather, he joined his friend’s kidnapper. He sat straight up. 

“Josh.” He practically screamed. Josh was lying on the other side of the room on a mattress in the same position Tyler was in. Hands and feet chained to the wall, but he was still asleep. “Josh!” Tyler grew worried when he didn’t even stir, “You fucking… Josh!” His voice cracked and he started crying. 

This was all his fault.

_ Calm down. Get it together. Don’t freak out. Don’t cry.  _

“JOSH!” 

Josh’s eyes opened slightly, and Tyler watched as he went from confused to full on panicked. His eyes grew wide and his eyebrows furrowed together. He sat up in bed and faced Tyler. “W-where are we? Are you hurt? What happened?” 

“I don’t know where we are. Josh, listen. We need to get out of here.” 

Josh tugged on the chains, then furiously yanked them and tried pulling them off the wall. Tears were streaming down his face as he kicked his legs and grunted. His wrists were turning bright red, nearly bleeding. Tyler went to get up and stop him, but he was stuck, he began crying again too. 

“Josh, stop! Listen, this isn’t gonna do anything! We need to think of something!”

“I-I need to go home, I can’t be here. I need to go. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. Help me, Tyler. Go get your dad, please. I-I…” Josh mumbled. Tyler just stared as Josh kept pulling his chains. “Tyler! Go get him! Please! Get me out of here!” 

“I can’t, Josh! I’m stuck here with you!” 

“No! Tyler, stop! This isn’t funny! I don’t want to play this game anymore! This isn’t fun! Go get him!” 

The scared little boy quickly began pouring out of Josh. He thought he was back in that shed, he thought he was ten years old again, he thought Mister had him again, he technically wasn’t wrong. 

“HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!” Josh started screaming. He smashed his fists onto the wall. He stood up on his bed and kicked the wall. “HELP!” 

Tyler sat there helplessly, just staring at Josh. There was no point in trying to calm him down, he was going to have to wait until he tired himself out. The tears burned his eyes but he wiped them away. “HELP!” Tyler joined in and stood up. He kicked and hit the wall too. “HELP US!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments!   
> And even though I don't answer a lot of them, I see all of them. You guys are the only reason this story is still going. Thank you for that.


	12. ‘Cause Nobody Knows He’s Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll be right here when you get back!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know if the chapter title is the right words to Trapdoor, but that's what I hear so I'm just gonna roll with it.

|-/

It felt like days had passed before anything happened. Both the boys gave up screaming when their voices went hoarse and their throats ached. They sat on their stained mattresses, defeated. Tyler eventually slept, but Josh didn’t. His mind wouldn’t shut off, no matter how hard he tried. He knew what was coming, and the sick feeling in his stomach just wouldn’t go away. He heard creaking on the ceiling above him and he knew someone was up there moving around, that’s when he heard what sounded like actual footsteps, and they were getting closer. 

“Tyler,” He whispered, but it came out scratchy and barely audible. “Tyler,” He said again. “I think-” 

The door to the room swung open. Josh practically screamed. He pressed himself up as close to the wall as possible and squeezed his eyes shut tight. He only had seconds to mentally prepare himself for what was to come. That’s when he heard Tyler scream. Josh looked over at Chris who was unlocking Tyler from his chains and dragging him out of the room. 

“GET OFF OF ME!” Tyler screamed. The anger in his voice scared Josh, but the fear in his voice also made Josh want to cry. 

“Don’t fight it, Tyler! It’ll be over fast! I promise!” Chris slammed the door and all Josh could hear was Tyler screaming and struggling. “Don’t fight him, Tyler! It’ll only make it worse! Relax!” Josh closed his eyes and let some tears slip down his face. “I’ll be right here when you get back!” 

\----

Tyler was dreaming of Chris shooting up the school. He dreamt that Chris shot him in the chest and he died. He would have preferred that. Instead, Chris ripped him out of his dream and dragged him outside. He made eye contact with Josh as he fought with Chris to stay in the room. Josh’s eyes were mad with fear. He was saying something, but Tyler was too terrified to process any of it. 

He was humiliated as Chris ripped Tyler’s pants off and then his own. He tried his best to get out of Chris’s hold, but he had a good grip on Tyler’s fluffy hair. Tears started pouring out of Tyler the instant he felt Chris slip inside of him. He could hear Josh giving him instructions from the other room. 

“Don’t fight him, Tyler! It’ll only make it worse! Relax!” Tyler sucked in some air and did his best to hold his sob in. 

That’s when Chris leaned down and whispered, “I’ll show you what you’ve been missing out on.” And Tyler lost all control. There was snot running down his face along with the tears, his face was bright red and he clenched his fists tight and gripped the sheets. Chris took his elbow and struck Tyler’s lower back, Tyler collapsed down onto his elbows. 

“I’ll be right here when you get back!” 

Tyler closed his eyes. Chris started moving faster and Tyler could feel his sweat drops landing on his back. His stomach clenched and threatened to throw up, but that would only make things messier. So he leaned down and wiped his tears with the back of his wrist. He counted seconds and it finally stopped at 102. 

Tyler didn’t speak once Chris locked him back into his cuffs, he didn’t try to fight him either. He just tucked his knees up to his chest, bit his knee once and then stayed silent. Chris didn’t take Josh, he went back upstairs. Josh figured Chris would torture him a little bit more by making him wait. 

“Ty?” Josh timidly asked. Tyler turned his head away and rested it on the wall. “Ty, it’s okay.” 

“No it’s not, Josh! What part of this is okay?” Tyler screamed. Josh opened his mouth to speak but realized Tyler was right. This wasn’t okay. Tyler rolled his eyes, “This is not okay.” 

\----

God knows how much time had passed before Tyler said something again. It could have been a few hours, it could have been a whole day. They had no idea. The light above them started flickering and the sound of a toilet flushing above them made the boys look at each other. 

“We need to get out of here.” Tyler said. 

“Where’s your phone?” Josh asked. 

“I don’t know, he probably has it somewhere.” Tyler looked around. “We should try pulling the chains some more.” 

“What’s outside?” 

Tyler shrugged, “I didn’t get a chance to look around. Another mattress and some stairs but that was all I saw.” 

Josh sighed, then gripped the chains and started yanking. He was grunting and practically screaming. Tyler started doing the same. The more time that passed by the more frustrated the boys grew. They were sweating and panting before they finally gave up and sat down again. Josh started crying. 

“I can’t do this again.” He sobbed. 

Tyler opened his mouth to speak but they heard the footsteps again. Josh sniffed and wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. Tyler was absolutely petrified. He started shaking like a dog. “Josh, don’t let him take me again. I can’t do it again.” 

Chris entered and headed straight for Tyler. He was ready for round two. Tyler put up way more of a fight than he did the time before, but it was still the same outcome. Josh talked to him through the door again, reminding him to stay calm. 

When it was finally over, and Chris brought Tyler back in, Tyler bit Chris’s arm when he was chaining his back up. Chris screamed and struck Tyler hard in the face. Josh flinched. Tyler fell back and hit his head on the wall. Chris successfully finished chaining him down and took a few seconds to collect himself before looking at Josh. 

“I have some rules. They’re not difficult, I’m sure you morons can manage them.” 

Tyler scowled, “Fuck you.” He spat. 

Chris marched toward him again, punching him not once, but four times in the head. Then he stomped his ribcage and head, then went back to punching. 

“Rule number one,” He said when he finished. “Don’t talk back.” Josh wiped away more tears. “Number two, if one of you tries to escape, I will kill the other. If both of you try to escape, I will kill your families. Understood?” The boys just looked at each other, terrified. “UNDERSTOOD?” Chris screamed. 

The boys both jumped, Josh started crying out loud, but they both nodded. 

“Good.” Chris said. “No books,” He looked at Josh. “No blankets, no pillows, no play time, no cuddling,  _ nothing _ .” 

A long awkward silence passed, both the boys thought back to that day that they were five years old cuddling in Tyler’s bed. Or the day Josh first moved into the shed and realized he didn’t have any books. Or the time Tyler found him in the shed and asked where his pillow was, and offered to bring him toys. 

Chris turned around to leave. “When do we eat?” Tyler asked. Chris looked at him, but didn’t say anything. He just left. 

\----

Two Days Later

Both the boys were dying of hunger, Chris hadn’t given them anything. He would come in three times a day to take them to the bathroom. During that time, they would both drink the toilet water before relieving themselves in it. Finally, Chris came in with a tray of food, which kind of looked like airplane food, but only brought one tray. He handed it to Josh. 

“W-what about Tyler?” 

“Do you want the food or don’t you?” Chris snapped. 

Josh looked at Tyler with apologetic eyes, but still ate as fast as he could, embracing every second of it. When he finished, Chris took it away from him and left. 

“I wanted to save some for you but-” 

“It’s fine.” Tyler said. 

“Ty, I’m sorry.” 

“I said it’s fine, Josh.” Tyler snapped. 

Josh bit his tongue, “Maybe he’ll give you some food tomorrow.” 

\----

Three Days Later

Every time Tyler went to the bathroom, he would drink as much water as he could handle. He tried to fill the empty space until he felt like he was going to pop. But, that did mean that he had to pee like every fifteen minutes. Forty five minutes later, Tyler couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Chris! Come back! I have to pee!” Tyler screamed and pounded on the wall. “Chris!” 

Chris came down with a bucket, he threw it at Tyler and left again. Tyler finally relieved himself and it felt amazing, except for when he had to go again fifteen minutes later. He peed eight times in one hour. Dehydration was setting in and Tyler could barely ever stay awake. He was starving and thirsty and tired and angry. 

Chris came down with more food for Josh but none for Tyler. Josh tried begging Chris to just give the food to Tyler, but Chris wouldn’t listen. Tyler grew so angry that he gathered up all the energy he had left and threw the bucket of his pee onto Chris. Josh bit back his laughter, until Chris started wailing on Tyler. He wasn’t smiling then. 

Tyler didn’t care. He was enraged that he didn’t even think about the consequences. It wasn’t until his third or fourth punch that Chris realized this wasn’t doing anything. So instead, he turned around and headed for Josh. Chris took the tray of food and threw it against the wall before he started pounding Josh. Tyler begged him to stop but he wouldn’t. 

Josh helplessly put his hands up, trying to defend himself, but it was no use. He just let the beating happen. It would all be over soon, he kept telling himself. But that was the problem, it wasn’t going to be over soon. As soon as the beating stopped, Chris pulled down his pants and fucked Josh right in front of Tyler. That was the worst part. 

Tyler was so horrified that he couldn’t take his eyes off the scene in front of him. It was like his worst nightmare. Josh cried and begged but all that got him was an elbow to the back or a yank to his hair. Tyler talked to Josh the same way Josh did to him. Reminding him it would be over soon and to just relax. 

“I’m right here, Josh. It’s okay. You’re okay.” 

Chris put his pants back on and allowed Josh to do the same. But then Chris took his belt off and whipped Josh three times. It struck Josh’s neck, forearm, and chest. Then he turned and did the same to Tyler. He got Tyler’s back, face and shoulder. 

Chris left. When Josh finished crying, he looked over at Tyler. “Ty?” He asked. “Ty? Are you okay?” 

But Tyler didn’t answer. He blacked out from the pain and dehydration and lack of food. About ten minutes passed and Tyler still wasn’t awake. Josh was so worried that he was dead, he started crying. That’s when he heard sirens. 

He didn’t think anything of it. They were probably just passing through. But the sirens were getting louder, and when they were at their loudest point they didn’t fade away. Josh tried to stay calm and not get his hopes up. Then he heard pounding from upstairs. 

“Police! Open up!” 


	13. I Don't Mean to Pry But Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick came running outside and grabbed Tyler, pulling him back and holding onto him tightly. “Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING READ WITH CAUTION**
> 
> HOLY SHIT GUYS I"M SORRY  
> Things have been so crazy for me. It was my spring break so you would think I would have time to write this, but I didn't cause I'm an idiot.   
> ALSO I got a code for FUCKING NEWPORT HOLY HELL 
> 
> Did anyone else get a code?? Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this shitty chapter! Stick with me people, it can only go up from here. Well it could go down but I hope it doesn't.

|-/

Josh cringed as he stood up from the stained mattress he’d lived on for a week. His legs felt like jello and his wrists had bruises and cuts on them from constantly tugging on his chains in an attempt to free himself. He watched as Tyler’s lifeless body was attached to a stretcher and carried out of the room, he screamed and cried. 

“I need him!” 

“I can’t leave him!”

“Don’t let him die!” 

The police had to practically carry Josh up the stairs, and they didn’t let him ride in the ambulance with Tyler either. He just had his wounds addressed and taken care of, bandages around his wrists, ice for the bruises, and ointment for the cuts. He was taken away in a police car, heading to the same place as Tyler but still a ways behind them. 

\----

Tyler had felt feverish for the last two days he was there, but he didn’t want to tell Josh. It would only worry him more. He didn’t tell Josh about the pounding headache he had, or that he threw up every time he went to the bathroom. He didn’t want to worry him. 

Tyler woke up in the ambulance very confused and panicked. “Josh?” He asked, looking around at all the medical equipment around him and the man with his cold hands all over him. Tyler jerked away from him, fearing it was Chris. He saw the IV in his arm and reached to rip it out but the man stopped him. 

“It’s okay, leave it in. It’s helping you.” 

“W-Where… Josh… I need…” 

“It’s okay, you’re safe now. Can you tell me your name?” 

“Josh…” 

“No, I need your name.” 

“Josh,” 

“Josh is safe now, tell me your name.” Tyler didn’t answer, his mind couldn’t wrap itself around everything that was happening. The last thing he remembers is Chris charging at him with a belt, what the hell happened between then and now? How long has it been? “Tyler, you’re extremely dehydrated. I need you to relax.” 

“I-I don’t,” 

“That’s okay. Relax.” 

The man said again and Tyler’s eyes rolled backward in his head, immediately falling back into a deep sleep. 

\----

Sarah was sitting in a chair beside Nick’s hospital bed. She had Cody on her lap while Calvin sat next to his dad on the bed. Nick was being released later, so Doctor Hemingway was checking up with him one last time. That was until a nurse ran in, sweating and panting. 

“Dr. Hemingway. You’re needed in the ER.” She said. 

“Give me one more minute, I’m almost done.” He said, writing one more thing down on a clipboard. “Why didn’t you page me?” 

“Those boys were found, they need you down there immediately.” 

Nick and Sarah looked at each other, “Boys-what, what boys? Is it Tyler?” 

Dr. Hemingway looked at them with wide eyes and put the clipboard down. “Jennifer have Dr. Reynold’s finish in here.” 

\----

Josh woke up screaming and ripped the IV out of his arm on accident. His mother was right by his side to calm him down. A nurse laid a cotton ball over the spot on his arm that was releasing blood, the pressure made Josh’s veins throb. He looked around at the white walls that were not tainted yellow, and the light above him that was bright enough to give him a headache, and the floor tiles instead of the stained carpet. He was safe. 

\----

Tyler woke up screaming and punched someone in the face on accident. About four people grabbed Tyler and help him down. His mother wasn’t there, his father wasn’t there. The light above him made him nauseous, the blue gloves made him break out in a cold sweat, the masks on their faces made him panic. He was not safe. At least, he didn’t feel like he was. 

\----

The Next Day

The police came to talk to Josh about what happened, he was in the healthiest state. Tyler was still too fragile and weak to talk about it. They asked Josh to identify who it was that took them by showing him pictures. Josh grew fidgety when Chris’s face popped up.

“That’s him.” Josh said quietly. 

They asked him what Chris did to them. If he fed them, gave them water, where they slept, were they together, did he hurt them. 

“He fed me, but not Tyler.” 

“Why not Tyler?” A woman asked. 

“He talked back. We slept in the same room, but we were chained to the walls.” Josh closed his eyes. 

“Did he hurt you?” 

Josh started crying, but kept his eyes closed. He felt his mother squeeze his hand. “H-he… raped Tyler.” 

“How many times?” 

“A lot. He hit him and whipped him with his belt.” 

“Did he sexually abuse you too?” 

Josh was crying so hard he couldn’t answer, the police decided that was enough for the day and let Josh rest some more. Josh felt guilty for telling them what Chris did to Tyler, but he was worried that Tyler wouldn’t tell them the truth. He feared that Chris wouldn’t get what he deserved. 

\----

Three Days Later

The boys were home now, but Tyler still refused to talk to the police. His parents tried to convince him, saying it would only help Chris if he kept quiet. But Tyler wouldn’t listen. He didn’t even tell his parents about any of it. To be honest, Tyler was embarrassed. 

He ignored Josh’s texts and phone calls, he stayed in his room all day, he refused to go back to school. Kids died that day because of him, and that guilt would stay with him his whole life. If he hadn’t pissed Chris off, none of this would have happened. He should have just told his parents, but he didn’t. 

_ I’m such a fucking idiot.  _

He would have nightmares about his classmates brains exploding on him, or gunshots spelling out words in the walls like “Murderer” or “Guilty”. Those weren’t even the worst ones, the worst was the ones about Chris raping him. Over and over and over again. It never stopped. Chris still had a hold on him. Tyler never escaped Chris, not when he was ten, not when the police came. He started to think he never would. 

Tyler started carving his feelings into his skin, to try and keep the pain away. He stayed up all night so Chris wouldn’t find him in his sleep. He would cry whenever he saw a car that looked like Chris’s, he would cry if Nick came into his room without knocking, he would cry so hard that he would throw up. He dozed off one morning at about eight o'clock, Cody came into his room without knocking. Tyler freaked out and threw Cody to the ground. That was when his parents decided he needed some real help. 

Josh came over to visit one day, their parents thought it would be good for the both of them. They didn’t talk about what happened at all, Sarah made lunch for everybody and as soon as they were finished Josh got up to leave. 

Sarah started crying as she was doing the dishes. 

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Tyler asked. 

She leaned up against the counter, “Why don’t you talk to us, Tyler?” 

“I don’t have anything to say.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us what he did to you?” 

Tyler felt sick, “Who told you?” 

Sarah began sobbing so he turned to Nick, who just stared at him, not knowing what to say. 

Tyler marched outside where Josh was sitting in his car, about to pull out to leave. Tyler opened the driver’s side door, nearly ripping it off the car. “What the fuck did you tell them?” 

Josh’s eyes grew wide and he set his phone down. “I-” 

“What did you say to them?” Tyler screamed. Josh just shook his head. 

Tyler grabbed Josh by the shirt and yanked him out of the car. Josh tumbled to the cement and Tyler kicked him. “You fucking asshole! Why did you tell them?” Tyler cried. 

Nick came running outside and grabbed Tyler, pulling him back and holding onto him tightly. “Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you!” 

\----

Tyler didn’t say anything during his first therapy session. Not a single word. His doctor said it was completely normal, and to just give him some time to warm up. The second session rolled around and he still didn’t say anything. Or the third. His parents began to think this wasn’t working, and it was going to waste their money if he just sat there the whole time. 

That was until Sarah walked in on him dragging a blade across his stomach. 

“What are you doing?” She shrieked. 

“I wanted to see if there was anything inside.” He said and kept going. 

Sarah had to wrestle it out of his grip and he ended up getting his hand cut and Sarah’s. He started crying as soon as she took it away from him. She cleaned up the blood and bandaged him up, then she laid with him in bed. She held him close while he cried but he still didn’t say a word. She knew this wasn’t healthy for him, or the family. And it broke her heart to see him in so much pain, but she didn’t know what else to do. 

Nick suggested a mental hospital but Sarah wouldn’t hear it. There was no way she was sending him there. “We just have to love him and show him that we will always support him.” 

“Yeah, until he ends up killing himself.” 

Sarah slapped him, “Don’t fucking say that!” She screamed. “I’m trying to keep this family together!” 

“I know you are!” Nick screamed with his palm on his cheek. 

“Then what the fuck are  _ you  _ doing?”

“I’m being logical!” 

Tyler sat outside their bedroom door listening. His hand was snaked up his shirt and he was picking at the scabs, letting the blood leak out again. He saw Calvin’s light flip on in his room, then he came out yawning. 

“What are Mommy and Daddy fighting about?” He said rubbing his eyes. 

“You.” Tyler said. 

Calvin’s face grew scared, “What did I do?” 

“You got out of bed. You better go back before they-” Nick and Sarah opened the door Tyler was leaning against and he fell backward. 

“Calvin, go back to bed.” Sarah said. She looked tired, defeated. Calvin ran back to his room and shut the door before they could do whatever it was Tyler was going to say. “We’re going to see your therapist tomorrow, all three of us. You will talk to him.” 

Tyler stood up, “I don’t like him, he creeps me out.” 

“Then we’ll get you a new one, but tomorrow you’re talking to him.” 

Tyler walked away from them and went to bed without a word. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me comments!


	14. Cause Tomorrow’s Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler paused and sighed, “That sounds like the worst thing in the world right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "if you think you know what's coming after reading this chapter,
> 
> nope  
> knope  
> noughp"

|-/

Nick and Sarah did most of the talking during the session. Tyler twiddled his thumbs and counted the minutes until he was able to leave. He was only half paying attention. 

“We don’t know what to do anymore…” 

“He stays in his room all day…”

“Doesn’t eat, hardly sleeps…” 

“Has he been harming himself?”

“Help us…” 

“Tyler?” 

Tyler heard the doctor say his name, but he didn’t look up. He heard him say it a second time too, but still didn’t look up. Nick tapped his knee against Tyler’s, that’s when he looked up. 

“Do you have anything you want to add?” 

Tyler put his head back down, “No,” Sarah sighed. 

“Have you been back to school yet?” 

“No…” 

“And why not?” 

Tyler shook his head, “I can’t…” 

“Maybe you should. It might be good for you.” 

Tyler paused and sighed, “That sounds like the worst thing in the world right now.” 

\----

Tyler was given medication to help him sleep at night, along with something to calm his nerves. Xanax? He thinks that’s what the doctor called it. Something like that. 

A week later and all Tyler wanted to do was party. So, of course, he called Michael. Within an hour and a half they had at least twenty people in Michael’s house. Another half hour later and Tyler was drunk as hell. He hadn’t taken his xanax in days, so he assumed he’d be just fine drinking alcohol now.  _ And  _ it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if he died from it. That was until he saw some girl from across the room. Blonde hair, blue eyes.  _ Oh fuck. She’s hot.  _ Tyler went to stand up.  _ Oh fuck. I can’t move.  _

He spent the next ten minutes just staring at her. Then his legs finally caught up with his brain and before he knew it, he was practically levitating across the house. 

“Hey.” He said. 

She looked away from her friends and at him, “Hi.” She said and smiled.

Tyler smiled too, “Get you another drink?” 

She looked down into her 100% full cup, “No, I’m good. Thanks though.” She giggled.

Tyler giggled too but not for the same reason she did. “Tyler.” He said, but the music was way too loud for him to be heard.

“Hm?”

“My name’s Tyler.” He said a little louder. 

“Jenna.” She said, then looked back at her friends, then back down at her cup. “Actually, I think I do want another drink.” She grabbed Tyler by the wrist and dragged him into the kitchen. She dumped her drink down the sink and poured herself another. She offered him the bottle and he refused, all he wanted to do was look at her. He didn’t even care about the alcohol anymore. “Pacing yourself?” 

“Oh… no. I think I had enough before the party even started.” He smiled. 

She smiled too. “Come here.” She grabbed his wrist again and dragged him to one of Michael’s guest rooms in the back of the house. She shut the door behind her, “Easier to hear in here.” 

“Yeah.” Tyler said and plopped down onto the bed. He closed his eyes.

Jenna laughed, “You okay, Tyler?” 

Tyler grinned and sighed, “Tired… I’m lightheaded.” 

She giggled, “Here, have some more.” She handed him the cup and he took a big sip. “How drunk do you think you are?” 

Tyler closed his eyes again, “Pretty drunk.” 

“Think you’ll remember this in the morning?” 

Tyler dramatically shook his head from side to side, “Nope.” Jenna grabbed his chin and kissed him. Tyler kissed her back for a second, then stopped her. “I don’t even know your name.”

Jenna laughed, “I told you my name already.” 

“Uh uhh.” 

“Jenna.” 

“Right.” He said, then kissed her some more. 

The last thing Tyler remembers is seeing a blinding light come into the room and Jenna running towards it. There was a loud sound and then the light was gone and it was dark. Tyler closed his eyes. 

“Tyler?” Jenna asked. Tyler didn’t move. She climbed into the bed with him and traced her fingernails down his face and neck. He could feel her, but he couldn’t move. “Goodnight.” She said. 

\----

Tyler woke up alone the next morning. But he was tucked into the bed. He slept well, besides the raging headache he had and the nausea, he felt great. He walked out of the bedroom and found Michael and Jenna in the kitchen. Everyone was mostly gone, except for a few scragglers that were still asleep on the floor. 

“Morning sunshine.” Michael said. 

Tyler saw Jenna and stopped dead in his tracks. He went to turn around and go back into the bedroom, but he thought against it. He wouldn’t be a coward today. He ignored Michael and said to Jenna instead, “Wanna go get some coffee?” 

Jenna smiled and folded her arms, “Thought you said you wouldn’t remember me.” 

Tyler smiled back, “I lied.” 

\----

A month later they started dating. They were so in love for two high school kids. At least, that’s what they thought. They went to another party together, but this time Tyler didn’t even have a chance to knock his first drink down. He saw Josh. 

Josh avoided them for a little bit, but Tyler felt guilty. He wanted to apologize. 

“Josh?” He said, Josh whirled around. He looked scared. “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“For being an asshole. I shouldn’t have done that to you, I’m sorry.” 

“I shouldn’t have told anyone, it was my fault.” 

Tyler felt a tap on his shoulder, it was Jenna. “There you are! I thought I lost you!” Josh and her looked each other up and down. “Hi.” She said. 

“Hey.” Josh smiled weakly. 

“I’m Jenna, nice to meet you.” She shook his hand. 

“Josh…” He said. “Are you two…?” 

“No.”

“Yes.” 

Tyler and Jenna said at the same time. Jenna gave him a weird look. “Yes. Sorry. Yes we are… dating.” 

“Oh…” Josh said and looked down. “Well I’m gonna go get a drink.” 

“Are you mad?” Tyler asked. 

“No…” Josh said and started to walk away, then he turned around. “You know what? Yes. Yes I am mad, Tyler. I’m really fucking mad.” 

Tyler took a step back. He’d never heard Josh talk like that before. 

“Wanna know why I’m mad? Because you’re a dick. That’s why. You kissed me, you tried to have sex with me, then you never call to check up on me when I was hurting. You beat me up because I was looking out for you. And now, we don’t speak anymore and you have a girlfriend?” 

“You’re gay?” Jenna screamed.

“No!” Tyler screamed back, horrified. “No! Listen, just stop! Can we do this somewhere else please?” 

“Oh… I’m sorry. Am I ruining your reputation? Did I hurt your feelings? Are you embarrassed?” Josh shoved Tyler. “Now you know how I felt all those years.” 

“I took care of you, Josh! I’m the only reason you’re alive right now!” 

“And now you’re the reason I want to die! Ever since I met you, everything has gone wrong!” 

“I saved you!” 

“You nearly killed me!” 

“I thought I was helping you, Josh! I was five years old, what the fuck was I supposed to do?” 

“Stay out of it, like your daddy told you to! But  _ no _ ! You just had to get in other people’s business! You just had to know what was in the attic! You just had to invite me into your house! You just had to be the hero! My life would’ve been so much better without you in it! If you were never born then Chris would have never taken me! This is your fault!” 

Tyler was crying now, Jenna disappeared, people were staring. All Tyler wanted to do was vanish into thin air. He wiped his tears away. He walked out of that house and into the nighttime cold and sobbed his heart out on the sidewalk. He stomach clenched and threatened to puke, his legs threatened to give out. But he just got in his car and drove home instead. His parents weren’t home yet, his brother’s were at sleepovers. 

He came crashing through his house, slamming doors and stomping up the stairs, throwing things. He found his Xanax and swallowed the whole bottle. Then he found his parents liquor cabinet and drank way too much vodka, then some more. He sat on the floor, right in front of the kitchen sink. 

He laid down and closed his eyes. He rolled the orange bottle through his fingers over and over and over again, until he couldn’t really feel his fingers anymore. 

T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D

T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D

T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D

That was all he could think as his mind went dark.

\----

The garage door slammed shut. “I thought Tyler went out tonight. Why is his car here?” Nick asked as he walked into the kitchen, completely missing Tyler lying on the floor. 

“I don’t know, I thought… Tyler?” She looked over and saw her son. She saw the pill bottle. “Oh god…” She walked closer to him. “Oh god! Nick!” 

“What? What happened?” 

“Tyler! Wake up! What did you do? Shit! Tyler!” She screamed as she cradled her son’s lifeless body in her arms and sobbed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, who else watched 13 reasons why?? Holy hell


	15. Just Like Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if he wakes up one day and finds that he has to start all over again? Then what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know. I'm the worst.  
> I'm sorry it took so long. I don't know why but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Ugh. I don't know how I feel about this so please leave me some feedback.

|-/

**** Tyler’s eyes peeled open, his tongue and throat were dry, he looked for his mom.

“Mom?” He cried, looking for Sarah. Kelly appeared, crying. She hugged him. 

Tyler jerked away from her.  _ What is she doing here?  _ “Mom?” 

“I’m right here sweetie.” She assured him and stroked his hair, “I’m right here.” 

Tyler looked to his right, Chris was standing above him. He started crying.  _ Why are they here? Where are my parents?  _

“He’s awake!” He heard Chris yell out in the hallway, doctors came rushing into the room. 

“How are you feeling?” A tall, strange man asked as he shined a flashlight into Tyler’s eyes. “Can you tell me your name?” 

“T-Tyler.” He choked out, his voice sounded unusally small. 

“How old are you?” 

“Eighteen.” He said.

The doctor turned his flashlight off and stood up straight. Everyone looked at each other. “Did he just say he’s eighteen?” Kelly asked. 

“Do you know who this is, Tyler?” The doctor asked, pointing to Kelly.

“Kelly,” He said, “I want to go home.” 

They all just stared at him.

\----

“Something must have happened while he was in his coma.” 

“Does he have brain damage?” 

“We have to run some tests…” 

Kelly thought back to that day, six months ago, when Tyler fell. She was taking care of Zack, who had just had his head smashed into the ground by Tyler. She heard a loud bang from upstairs, like something hit the floor.

“Tyler!” She called out, “Are you okay?” No answer. “Tyler!” She yelled again but he still did not answer. She climbed the stairs to find him unconscious, the ladder to the attic down on the floor. His body lay beside it. 

“Oh god!” She screamed. 

\----

They got Tyler out of bed, his legs barely worked. He needed a wheelchair. They brought him into a room with big machinery, Tyler was terrified. 

T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D

As he lay there on that cold table with loud noises circling his head, all he could think about was Josh.

Was he okay? Where is he? He felt so guilty. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to be held by him. Tyler started to fidget. 

“Tyler, we need you to hold still for us, we’re almost done.” 

“Where’s Josh?” The people in the next room ignored him. “T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D” He whispered. Over and over again, spelling it out. Like it was some magical chant that could bring Josh back. Like maybe if Josh heard him, he could find him. 

When the scan was finished, they wheeled Tyler back to his room. He saw his reflection in a window as they went by and he almost passed out. This wasn’t right. He looked like he was five years old again.

“Kelly?” He asked when they got back to his room, “Where’s Josh?” 

“Who?” She asked, and sat down on his bed.

“Josh… My friend.” Tyler looked for more words to say but his vocabulary wasn’t advanced enough, he knew what he wanted to say but he just couldn’t. 

“Tyler, you don’t know a Josh. I think you dreamt of him while you were asleep.” 

“How long was I asleep?” 

“A long time… But it’s okay. You’re awake now, and you’re safe.” 

“But… Nick and Sarah…” 

“Who?” 

“My mommy and daddy.” 

“They’re not real, sweetheart. They were in your dream.” 

Tyler tried to wrap his brain around all of this, but he felt like they were all lying to him. They were real. They were so real. There’s no way they aren’t real. 

“But Josh…” He said again and started tearing up. “Where is he?” His bottom lip pouted out, Kelly hugged him. 

“It’s okay, shhh. It’s okay.” She rocked him back and forth. 

\----

1 Month Later

They released Tyler from the hospital. No sports, no rough housing, no loud noises. He might as well where a helmet wherever he goes. He spent most of his days in his parents bed, they catered to his every need. 

They thought he was asleep one day, and they went downstairs. Tyler crept into the hall and got the ladder down, the same way he did before. He climbed it, the same way he did before. But this time he didn’t fall. He peeked his head up, “Josh?” He called out. 

He looked around. There was no weeping, no dim lamp, no shaking boy in the corner. Nobody. 

“Josh? Are you in here?” He called out again, “It’s me, Tyler. I’m really sorry I hurt you.” 

There were only boxes and dust, no Josh. 

He heard a gasp from below him, “Tyler Robert Joseph! Get down from there!” Kelly screamed. Tyler came back down the ladder and Kelly grabbed him before he could even make it halfway down. “I told you to stay in bed!” 

“I’m sorry.” He cried. Why was he so emotional? Every time a grownup raised their voice at him he would cry. Every time he looked in the mirror, he would get this sick feeling in his stomach. His whole life was just a dream. How was he going to start all over again? 

That night, while everyone was asleep, he went out to the backyard. To the shed. He opened the door, it was unlocked. There were only garden tools and a lawn mower in there. No Josh. He went back to bed and cried. 

Jay wasn’t real, Josh wasn’t real, Nick and Sarah weren’t real. How could his little mind make all of this up? This sick twisted dream he had made him want to cry. 

A few months later, Kelly gave birth. They named her Maddy. Tyler refused to hold her. 

Five Years Later

Kelly gave birth. They named him Jay. Tyler cried, and then threw up. He refused to hold him.

\----

Seven Years Later

“Tyler, hurry up! There’s other people that live in this house!” Zack screamed and he banged on the bathroom door. “You’re gonna make us late!” 

Tyler stood in the mirror looking at his reflection. He remembered that dream he had while in a coma. Everything he saw was so real. He looked exactly how he did in his dream. It was so realistic. How could his brain conjure something like that up? He closed his eyes. “T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D” He whispered.

“Tyler!” 

He opened his eyes, looked at himself one last time, then left the bathroom for the rest of his siblings. 

It was his first day of senior year. This was around the time his dream ended, and he was so scared that it might happen again. What if he wakes up one day and finds that he has to start all over again? Then what? He dropped Maddy off at the middle school, then drove back to the high school. 

Zack hated being late, so he rushed ahead of Tyler. Tyler on the other hand didn’t care. His senioritis started when he was in middle school. He got a head start on all the heartbreak and pain that came with growing up. Again, that dream was oddly realistic. 

After going to his locker, he went to class. His first period was with a teacher that was new this year. No one had met him before. Tyler stopped dead in his tracks, causing other students to bump into him. The new teacher stood in the front of the class, assigning seats. 

Nick. 

_ No, it can’t be him. There’s no way.  _

The teacher turned to face Tyler and smiled. 

_ Oh fuck.  _

“Are you coming in?” He asked. 

_ It was him! That’s his voice! This is him!  _

“Uh-” 

“Tyler!” He heard a voice from the back of the room. It was his friend, Michael. Michael was sitting with all their other friends. “Come join us, buddy!” 

Tyler turned to “Nick”, expecting him to give him a different seat. But instead he just nodded. Tyler took a seat next to Will, an empty seat was to his left. 

“Are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Will chuckled. 

“Yeah I’m-” 

A boy with dark brown curly hair walked in, followed by a girl with light blonde hair and the craziest blue eyes. Tyler felt sick. 

“Are you Josh?” The teacher asked. 

“Yes sir.” 

“Josh you’re sitting next to… Mr. Joseph. Over there.” He pointed. Tyler wanted nothing more than to disappear at that point. 

“Jenna? You’re sitting behind Josh.” 

_ Fuck.  _

The bell rang. “Okay, everyone. My name is Nick Calkin.” 

_ Oh my god. That is him. My name was Tyler Calkin.  _

Tyler looked over at Josh. 

_ Do I talk to him? He keeps looking at me?  _

“Can we call you Nick?” Someone asked. 

_ Just ask him something.  _

“No you may not.” Everyone laughed. 

_ Anything, literally anything.  _

“Hey.” Tyler said, leaning over to get his attention.

“Hey.” Josh said. 

“Do we know each other?” 

Josh shook his head, “No, I don’t think so.” 

“You look really familiar.” 

Josh smiled, “So do you.” 

There it was. That smile that had haunted Tyler for what seemed like twenty years. Tyler smiled too, looking back down at his thumbs that were twiddling on his desk. 

A few weeks later, Tyler asked Josh if he could copy his homework that he didn’t do. Tyler sloppily scribbled down the words before class started, and when he was finished he noticed something in the top left corner of the page. 

“TERRIFIED” 

“Good morning everyone.” Mr. Calkin walked in. Josh snatched the paper out of Tyler’s hand. 

Tyler glanced over at Josh multiple times, his mind going a million miles an hour. 

_ It was real.  _ He thought.  _ Josh is real.  _


	16. Extra Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Josh I have to tell you something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't going to do this. But I saw a lot of you guys were confused and really worked up about me ending it there with no warning. Also, I knew it was the last chapter when I posted it I just forgot to change the last chapter #, so that's why it happened late.   
> But here you go. One last chapter to finish it up.

|-/

10 Years Later

“Josh I have to tell you something.” Tyler said, standing backstage watching Josh put on the red eye makeup.

“Hm?” Josh mumbled, concentrating. 

“Look at me.” 

“Can’t… busy.” 

“I’m serious.” 

Josh sighed and set his brush down, “We don’t have time for this, Ty.” 

“They can wait. Just listen to me, would you?” 

Josh nodded, “Okay.” 

Tyler took a deep breath. “Remember… Okay… When I was… five, I thought I heard something upstairs. Like in the attic.” 

“Tyler, seriously. We don’t have-” 

“Stop, Josh! Listen to me!” Tyler said, annoyed. “Just listen. I climbed the ladder and fell and hit my head on the ground and I went into like a coma or something.” 

“Oh shit… really?” Josh said, now concerned. 

“Yes. Listen. When I was in the coma. I had a dream. Like a really long and realistic dream. I found you in my attic. My dad kept you hostage up there and he beat you and he kept you hidden away up there for like ten years. But I found you and I played with you and I brought you food and toys and stuff. And you were in a shed in my backyard and my dad beat my mom so I called the cops and they found you. And they put us in a foster home together and then they took you away from me to go live with your real parents and I was alone. And then like ten years later I found you again and we became friends. But one day you yelled at me and said I ruined your life, so I killed myself. And then I woke up.” 

“I… uh-” 

“And it was so real Josh. And I was looking for you when I woke up but nobody knew who I was talking about. And then remember when we met in high school?” 

Josh nodded. 

“And I asked you if we knew each other?” 

Josh nodded again.

“I knew that I knew you! I knew it was you from my dream! And our teacher was our foster father! I’ve literally known you for like thirty years, Josh! And I’m only 28!”

Josh stared at the ground. 

“Josh? Are you okay?” 

“I used to dream about the same thing. Every night…” 

“What?” 

“I thought I was crazy… And-and we got caught once with the babysitter…” 

“Yes!” 

“And we had two foster brothers…” 

“Yes, Josh!

“And I was an alcoholic, and you found me at a party, and we got kidnapped again, and…” Josh laughed with tears in his eyes.

Tyler pulled him into a hug. “Yes, Josh. Yes.” 

“Was it all real?” 

“I don’t know…” 

They both laughed. “I didn’t want to tell you in case you thought I was insane.” Josh said. 

“I didn’t either.” 

“And we loved each other.” 

“Yes we did.” 

They pulled apart and looked each other in the eyes. And they kissed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me comments please! :)


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